Skip To Content

    Remember When Peak Internet Humor Was Watching A Pixelated Dancing Banana? Thankfully, We've Evolved Since Then, And These 27 Hysterical Tweets By Women Prove It

    "Putting my overheated MacBook on my stomach to make the cramps go away" —@pyschodior

    Good news, everyone! Wife guys are a thing of the past. Society is forever evolving, and we forge onward. Bob Dylan once sang, "The times, they are a-changin'." And I'll be damned — the sonofabitch was right.

    Bob Dylan in the studio

    On that note, make sure you change up your timeline by following these funny ladies on Twitter!

    1.

    Will never forget a rich guy I dated who once told me I was “so good at using all my groceries”

    Twitter: @ellorysmith

    2.

    Saw a billboard that said “anxiety? Paranoia? It could be meth.” And it’s like oh my God I’ve been on meth this whole time.

    Twitter: @HollyBallantine

    3.

    Twitter: @gracecamille_

    4.

    Dressing up as a fish for Halloween so men on dating apps have the unrelenting urge to hold me

    Twitter: @omgskr

    5.

    “Do you know anything about ‘Don’t Worry Darling?’” — my mom, reading me the movie listings this morning at the start of what she assumed would be a brief phone call.

    Twitter: @LByock

    6.

    Endless exposure to human suffering as a result of late capitalism is turning our brains into soup. And that’s why I’m partnering with Cambell’s chicken noodl

    Twitter: @deadeyebrakeman

    7.

    Putting my overheated MacBook on my stomach to make the cramps go away

    Twitter: @pyschodior

    8.

    birth certificate is so crazy..hello baby welcome to the world here is some paperwork

    Twitter: @cat_elg

    9.

    the next time somebody makes a comment that my 10 month old daughter is "flirting" or has another baby as a "boyfriend," i'm going to tell them that it's weird to project sexuality onto infants and besides, she's a lesbian

    Twitter: @morninggloria

    10.

    why do men apply chapstick like they're scared of it

    Twitter: @zephanijong

    11.

    Two nights ago I saw a British person say his name is Mark to the restaurant hostess who then wrote his name down as “Mock” and I am still laughing out loud about it

    Twitter: @karencheee

    12.

    Twitter: @ellewasamistake

    13.

    "squirt is pee" then I'm about to have a lot of fun at this drug test

    Twitter: @RachelMComedy

    14.

    Overnight Oats sounds like the name of a racehorse who sucks

    Twitter: @caithuls

    15.

    On a first date, my Bumble match declared, “I have gout.” To which I nodded sagely and, in attempt to make things less weird, said, “Just like Ben Franklin.” Looking back, I have no notes. I did my best.

    Twitter: @SaraSchon

    16.

    wait conneticut is real? i thought they made that up for gilmore girls

    Twitter: @lizzzzzielogan

    17.

    men will soft launch their gfs by publicly requesting $4.89 from them on venmo

    Twitter: @_chase_____

    18.

    When I first designed LAX they asked what my ultimate vision was. I said I want it to be really bad “just dogshit”. Proud to see it come to fruition ❤️

    Twitter: @BrotiGupta

    19.

    they need to leave hugh jackman alone. stop sentencing that man to the gym and let him sing his little songs

    Twitter: @been_herde

    20.

    me, *flirting*: would you rather be burned alive or eaten by a shark

    Twitter: @ElyKreimendahl

    21.

    I love when you get to the part in the book where the author's like "I had to learn about airplane mechanics, and now so do you"

    Twitter: @wendydheard

    22.

    men invented arm wrestling so they could hold hands and look in each other's eyes

    Twitter: @yaitskayy

    23.

    adam levine looks like my jeans from middle school

    Kevin Mazur / WireImage / Getty Images / Via Twitter: @meg_it_happen

    24.

    No idea what a Try Guy is, but the kids today would absolutely melt down if they lived through Fleetwood Mac.

    Twitter: @tlachtga

    25.

    2-year-old needed help getting her shirt on but instead of saying that she handed me the shirt and said "Put my bones in this."

    Twitter: @missmulrooney

    26.

    Sharpay was right, this is not what I want, this is not what I planned and I just gotta say I do not understand

    Twitter: @cathedralslut

    27.

    me to the waiter: excuse me, my onion rings? waiter: ?? answer it then?

    Twitter: @liltiddygothgf3

    Don't miss last week's funniest tweets by women!

    26 Hilarious Tweets By Women That Helped Me Forget About My Impending Seasonal Depression