As the great 20th-century philosopher once observed, "We are living in a society."
In that vein, here are 22 hilarious thoughts from the 21st century's best minds, orating in the Greek agora of our time: Twitter.
1. Capitalism is slowly killing people (but in, like, a funny way).
Doctor, it hurts when I do this: *goes to work*
2. We don't even earn enough money to see a doctor about how it hurts to work.
work be like
3. Even plants are dying at the hands of capitalism.
did I “kill a plant” or did the plant not have what it takes to thrive in this fast-paced environment
4. The gig economy is a SCAM sold to us by Big Delivery.
when GrubHub said 30 minutes and it’s been 31
5. Also a scam? Standardized testing, which doesn't prepare us for the real world.
i honestly think if i took the SAT today i wouldn't get a single answer right
(Actually, I just remembered that I wrote an essay about Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher's characters in the movie What Happens in Vegas and got a 750 on the Writing portion of my SATs. Now I write for BuzzFeed. So maybe it's not all a scam.)
6. With a pandemic still raging, the government wants to return to "normal" — whatever that is.
It's great to be back to normal now that we've fixed the pandemic.
7. Home is where the WiFi is.
“you can’t stay home forever!” first of all, you’re greatly underestimating how much i like to stay home
8. Women work so hard for equal pay, and all along the answer was 3-in-1 shampoo + conditioner + body wash.
Accidentally used mens body wash and I just got a 30% pay raise
9. Mr. Bean has once again been silenced.
mr bean could NEVER get the hiccups in a library today. the woke left would burn cities to the ground. https://t.co/GaKQUt7slo
Comedians can't say anything these days, forcing them into a lucrative career as Britain's most beloved TV character.
10. We're not even safe in the privacy of our own homes.
those iphone ads are like "we have features to protect your privacy from the trackers we allow on the apps you download from the store we created onto the platform we control, you're welcome!"
For example, I can't say "Mr. Bean is a whiny little titty baby" without Siri sobbing about cancel culture.
11. Siri strikes again!
My friend sent a picture of her kid and I looked at it and said That’s not a good picture and Siri sent that back as a message so I’ll be moving to another planet where there is no technology
12. It's unclear if we should blame Siri or Steve Jobs, but they both deserve our ire.
nobody: Apple photos: look at this picture of you + a person that gave you trauma
I don't need a reminder of the absolute lowest points in my life. I remember them just fine on my own, thank you very much.
13. There's nothing worse than when the shows we use to escape reality remind us of how bad things really are!
just started watching stranger things and the least-believable part so far is the chief of police investigating this hard
14. Back in reality, literally everything about our healthcare system is subpar.
can medical twitter tell me what this means ? i’m at a loss
15. It's definitely a problem that bartenders are more helpful than doctors.
First 2 drinks don’t count if u have anxiety, they just turn u into a normal person
16. When will doctors study the anxious-journaling-kids to anxious-doomscrolling-adults pipeline?
me now: I don’t know when I got so anxious, I was totally fine as a kid me as a kid:
17. Far be it from me to accuse the government of not caring about our health and safety...
wow so glad they finally banned juuls, i can't think of anything else that has killed more kids in schools
18. Society has regressed to hunter-gatherer status, now with a little trauma to spice things up.
What's the matter babe you've barely touched your foraging task
19. Frankly, society would be safer if the five stoners at your local Taco Bell were on the Supreme Court.
Supreme Court Justices have proven they’re “supreme” in the same way as a Taco Bell Burrito Supreme: they’re easy to buy and bad for your health
20. And on top of everything else, it's just too darn hot!!!!!!
We need the old sun back this new one taking his job too serious
Al Gore presents: climate change.
21. What else is there to do but sigh heavily?
it-is-what-it-is-ing my way through the collapse of civilization
22. But at least we as a Society™️ moved past our obsession with picking everything apart just to feel something.
A lot of shit has gotten worse in the past few years but I will say one plus is that cinemasins is irrelevant now
We really do, in fact, live in a society.