Welcome to Our Dystopia, where everyone is exhausted — but thankfully not too exhausted to joke about it on Twitter.
On your right, you'll observe the people who have, simply put, given up.
1. It's better to be single than remain in a toxic relationship with society.
Might just ghost everyone and call it a year.
2. Sometimes closing your eyes just doesn't cut it.
Not wearing glasses anymore. I’ve seen enough.
3. This is what therapy is for...but fireworks are cheaper.
boutta light a firework in my bedroom just to feel something
4. Hahaha hohoho hehehelp.
I be texting “hahaha” a lot for someone who’s having a hahahard time
5. Is it "choose your battles" or "I can already see where this battle is going so I'm gonna dip before the fighting begins because honestly what's the point?"
if ONE more person asks me why I’m STILL wearing a mask I will…..probably curse them internally and slink away as usual
6. It's comforting, in a way, that we're starting to reach the "acceptance" stage of processing grief.
When I die in a shooting, I hope it’s the one everyone decides is the “big one” that day and not one of the smaller overlooked ones happening the same day.
To your left are the tweeters who desperately want to escape but can't put down their phones long enough to make a run for it.
7. On Brand Twitter™️, your third favorite peanut butter cookie sexually harasses your timeline and that's just a normal Tuesday.
We live in a dystopia and I’m so tired https://t.co/N0jZbcsYBi
8. The Metaverse would like a word.
@HoelisticPeace @mr_extRODinary I really want people to realize that social media is NOT a real place.
9. We are simply BEGGING everyone to stop generating news and memes for one night. Nobody's slept since 2011.
One of the reasons it's so hard to take a break from Twitter is the knowledge that the thing where you go to bed while a tweet is blowing up and when you wake up people in your mentions are somehow arguing about Star Wars would be even more confusing when you got back
As we round the corner, don't sleep on the late-stage capitalism enclosure!
10. Which came first, the "need money" or the "make money"?
The fact that you need money to make money is where I'm having a problem
11. The 14 minutes of hollow joy you'll feel upon opening your purchases will be totally worth the $85 you spend on a whim.
I need to buy some random shit just to feel something
12. The fun thing about capitalist dystopias is that customers can insist on ordering a "diet water" while you smile and hope your brain doesn't ooze out your ears.
how tf is the customer always right? Bro i’m the one that was trained to work here 😭
13. But the customer IS always right that McDonald's needs to fix all its damn McFlurry machines, stat.
united states mcflurry machine 🤝 not working for the people
14. There's a 50/50 chance this woman will be our next president.
airports are international waters in terms of what you can get away with socially. i saw a woman clipping her toenails by a dunkin donuts at 5 am today at JFK. and there’s nothing in place, legally, to stop her. she is free to do these things.
15. If you thought a regular turducken sounded awful, now presenting: a turducken of emotional breakdowns.
Being a parent is so wild because sometimes you have to help your kid with their emotional breakdown while you're having an emotional breakdown. Like it's just so many emotions hahahaha help
And now we're entering the Room of Hobbies, where you can choose a new pastime. Don't worry, there's no right choice — but there's definitely a wrong one.
16. Choose your hobby: (1) Knitting, (2) Gardening, (3) Being virulently anti-trans.
so embarrassing that there are people whose core identities are their genitals, get a hobby bitch
Literally plant some tomatoes and stop harassing trans people, I beg of you.
17. I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by uttering the word "woman."
"You can't even say woman anymore," I explain, immediately dying because I've said The Word
18. Other suitable millennial hobbies include ruining Zillow's "CATS-level animated home furnishings" industry.
my new favorite zillow activity is "was this house virtually staged?"
19. Or you could try what I like to call "academic foraging."
My new hobby is attending symposiums for free refreshments.
We're nearly done with our tour, I'm afraid. As you attempt to exit Our Dystopia, don't be alarmed when you feel like there's no way out. That's by design!
20. Society should've put more effort into planning his "Welcome Back" party.
My brother just got out of jail
Feel free to browse the gift shop while you're stuck here, and don't forget to follow all these hilarious Twitter accounts to help pass the time!
