1. Fifty-two times the jewelry stolen at the last high-profile Cannes robbery.
A necklace by Swiss jewelry brand de Grisogono went missing during this year’s Cannes film festival.
Pictured are model Bianca Balti (wearing de Grisogono) and the company’s founder/designer Fawaz Gruosi.
3. Just over half of the Hope Diamond, if you could break it into smaller pieces.
8. Or nineteen bracelets previously owned by a much less popular royal bride.
Sold alongside other jewelry at a 2010 auction which raised $12.4 million total. And hey, even buying all nineteen (though yes, only one exists in real life) would leave you with enough change to pick up Simpson’s citrine and diamond Cartier flamingo clip too, which sounds just lovely.
9. Almost seven of the “Heart of the Ocean” replica necklace old Rose wore to the 1998 Oscars.
Or you could just buy six and then reserve a bunch of first class staterooms on the Titanic II.
Fun fact: this necklace is believed to be the most expensive piece of jewelry ever worn to the Academy Awards.
10. Or over 8.5 million souvenir necklaces from the gift shop at the world’s largest Titanic museum attraction
Less “Heart of the Ocean” and more “Rock from a Pond,” but still, cheap enough that you can act out the scene where Gloria drops it in the Atlantic over and over BECAUSE IT’S SO SAD. Available here.
11. Also the second most expensive piece of Oscars jewelry — 13.6 of them, basically.
You’d be laughing like Anne if you were wearing eight figures around your neck. Laughing, but also constantly afraid.
14. Or 27 of Beyoncé’s wedding ring, if you DARE to attempt upstaging Queen B.
You’d be better served spending your money setting up “Single Ladies” to play on repeat, endlessly, on every jukebox in the world.
19. 2,775,551 pairs of Dolce & Gabbana’s pasta earrings.
Or you could just buy like 60 million packs of Trader Joe’s pasta and use up all your spare change making replicas which you could then sell to giddy fashionistas at quite the mark-up. (But if you have $136 million and this is how you choose to spend your time, there’s a problem.)
21. Or your best option: “stolen jewels” that won’t land you in jail. (804,000 of them, roughly.)
This is clever: “Using Google Image Search, [designers Mike & Maaike] browsed through some of the most expensive and often famous jewelry in the world, and the resulting low-res images were stolen, doctored, then transfered to leather, creating a tangible new incarnation.”
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