15 Things Alexander Wang Could Be Doing On The High Line In New York This Weekend

Making sense of a cryptic email/invitation from the fashion designer’s PR team.

“Excited” fashion journalists today received the following cryptic message from Alexander Wang’s PR team:


Good. Now get excited.

So, what could Alexander be up to on the High Line* this weekend?

*Yes, we’re aware the “special event” takes place at the HIGHLINE STAGES, but that’s just a dime-a-dozen showspace where all sorts of normal fashion parties happen. The possibilities on the actual High Line are much more exciting.

1. Waking up REAL early to snag one of those wooden chaise longues that are always in demand/hogged by tourists.

Those bitches have all inevitably been sat there for HOURS, just to spite other High Line visitors. That’s a fact.

2. Having a big chocolate fountain free-for-all!

3. Organizing a mini Hunger Games between would-be models wanting a spot in his next show’s runway.

4. Ogling the naked people you can see in The Standard Hotel’s windows if you look hard enough.

5. Judging a cronut eating competition.

Replace the cheeseburgers with cronuts, natch.

6. Or just judging you and your already sweat-stained summer wardrobe.

7. Letting a flock of Wang-branded sheep free to graze among the walkway’s grassy parts.

They’ll be rounded up and sheared later in the year, with their wool used in knitwear for the fall/winter 2014 Alexander Wang collection!

8. Flying some fashionable kites. Everyone loves kites.

9. Conducting an experiment to see how many Real Housewives will show up to an event that doesn’t promise canapes, just for the chance of being photographed.

10. Celebrating former Teen Wolf hottie Colton Haynes’ birthday!

(Colton turns 25 on Saturday, and everyone loves a birthday party/cake.)

11. Or celebrating the (possible) birth of the Royal Baby.

12. Giving some cats massages.

(This doesn’t really make sense tbh I just wanted to use this GIF.)

13. Playing hide and seek!

14. But most likely: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. It’s far too hot to do anything outside these days.

(And, yes, that’s why Wang’s special event will be happening indoors somewhere nice and hopefully air-conditioned.)

15. Or, ok, this is also likely: convincing every fashion person in New York to stick around in the city this weekend so that the Hamptons will be quieter and much more relaxing.

Sussed you out, Wang. #sussedyouout.

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