Let's just pretend we're all called "Darrel," and this message is about wearing super short shorts. Via afterhourssuccesses.webs.com Simmons-style short shorts. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Via assets.sbnation.com.s3.amazonaws.com Shorts made famous thanks to the workout classic Sweatin' to the Oldies. Not to mention Sweatin' to the Oldies vol. 2, 3, and 4. And more still. Obligatory Sweatin' to the Oldies GIF goes here. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF The stripy wonders are old school Dolfin running shorts, specifically. Everyone should wear them when the weather is like it is right now. Via cdn.blogs.sheknows.com They come in lots of different colors. Only one length though. Via i582.photobucket.com And they're a timeless workout choice. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Via youtube.com They look as good in this this inflight safety video for Air New Zealand — filmed in 2011 — as they did Simmons' original videos, which were filmed, well, a bit before 2011 really. Richard likes to pose in the shorts for Facebook photos, as you would, if you were wearing the shorts in this heat. Via Facebook: TheWeightSaint Glasses shaped like snakes are optional, but encouraged. Here he is "planking" in some at the Louvre. Via Facebook: TheWeightSaint Technically it's not really planking if you're just lying on the ground, but who wants to spoil Richard Simmons' fun? And he recently filmed a sexy-looking Geico commercial in a black and white striped pair. Via Facebook: TheWeightSaint Doesn't Oscar-winning director Tom Hooper look thrilled to be adding the piece to his resume? Via Facebook: TheWeightSaint (NO, HE DOES NOT.) In fact, Simmons likes to post Facebook photos wearing lots of different short shorts that would be a good idea right now. Via Facebook: TheWeightSaint Another wonderful thing about Richard Simmons' Facebook quotes: the bizarre and confusing comments his followers leave. My favorite here from one Lori Davanzo reads,"I love you Richard, but that is a little bit too much for me." Presumably, Lori thought this ensemble was fine. Via Facebook: TheWeightSaint This too. Smile! Via Facebook: TheWeightSaint Lately though, Simmons has taken to wearing leggings. Via Facebook: TheWeightSaint They are fabulous, yes, but less advisable when its hot as balls outside. Sometimes these leggings are worn solo. Via Facebook: TheWeightSaint Good question also: "Do you wear tank tops???" Because right now, YOU SHOULD. But often Richard wears leggings under Lycra shorts. Via Facebook: TheWeightSaint Like this. Via Twitter: @TheWeightSaint Or this. Via Facebook: TheWeightSaint Instead of traditional leggings, it's possible to wear those skin-colored tights like ice skaters often do. AKM-GSI This is a classic Simmons wardrobe choice. But again, not really advisable in hot hot heat weather. (It should be noted that, on occasion, Simmons will dare to wear the Lycra on on its own.) Via Facebook: TheWeightSaint But then it's understandable that you'd want some sort of support hosiery underneath your fishnet short shorts, for example. Splash News They're obviously helpful on days when Simmons gets particularly whimsical. Via www4.pictures.zimbio.com And, again, risqué. Fameflynet Pictures Still risqué. And sparkly. Fameflynet Pictures Risqué. And, well, again, Facebook commenters say it best. Via Facebook: TheWeightSaint Risqué to the point of (perhaps) NO SHORTS WHATSOEVER. A step too far, even with fringe in the mix. Via www4.pictures.zimbio.com But anyway, let's regress to the handy topic at hand: heat-beating shorts. Via Facebook: TheWeightSaint Richard Simmons' short shorts, specifically. Via Facebook: TheWeightSaint Not kilts. Via Twitter: @TheWeightSaint And definitely not leather trousers, what is this even ABOUT? Getty Images Wispy thin running shorts. The best thing to be wearing on a hot summer's day. Watch them in this video. View this video on YouTube YOU MUST WATCH THIS VIDEO: Simmons leading a bunch of confused male Midwesterns at the Columbus Convention Center in a spirited workout to the tune of Lady Gaga's "Edge of Glory." Pair them with bedazzled New Balance sneakers and frilly socks, of course. Via Facebook: TheWeightSaint And just make sure not to freeball. Via celebritycowboy.com Imagine how awkward this photo would be if Richard had rocked this look sans undies. Or don't imagine it, if you value your mental health.