29 Things Chanel Expects You To Wear To The Beach*

*Well, to the beach, on a cruise, at some fancy tropical resort etc. The luxury label recently premiered its 2014 resort collection at a special runway show in Singapore.

1. Chic printed sweat suits.

Just because they have a tied waistband doesn’t mean you can veg out, though.

2. Matching his and hers looks.

3. Leather biker gloves.

4. And voluminous pants that would certainly cause an accident if you actually wore them while riding a motorbike.

They’d get caught in the wheels or something — or just get all grimy, and that’s a terrible thing to have happen to your Chanel.

5. Something that’s been through a shredder.

Note the matching shredded gloves, please.

6. Chain-link mini dresses that will only bring you misery.

Misery in the form of illogical tan lines.

7. And this intricately beaded neckline.

Also putting the wearer at risk of illogical tan lines. But in this case, it’d be worth it.

8. Slouchy loungewear and lots of pearls.

To be fair, this is perfect in a “Lucille Bluth at a tiki bar” kind of way.

9. Slouchy eveningwear and lots of pearls.

Also perfect in a “Lucille Bluth back at the tiki bar for dinner after a quick change” kind of way.

10. This actually cute-looking ensemble.

11. And this floral romper suit.

Also cute.

12. Hangover sunglasses.

13. This jacket that will make you look like a member of the vacation resort’s concierge staff.

14. Some cricket whites! To go with your Chanel-branded cricket bat, of course.

Cricket whites are actually the worst thing ever, except for possibly cricket itself.

15. And cricket pads, as if cricket is actually cool these days.

Sorry, but no. Too many painful school sports lesson memories. Cricket is not going to happen, Karl Lagerfeld, it is NOT. I forbid it.

16. Still more cricket-themed separates.

A chunky knit sweater could maybe be OK for an evening’s bonfire on the beach, but that’s it.

17. The top half of one of your grandmother’s old twinsets.

18. Denim. Lots of denim.

19. Striped denim.

20. Oh, and some embroidered denim too.

21. Midriff-baring gypsy blouses.

22. And why stop at midriff-baring when you can just abandon shirts entirely?

But throw a leather blazer on top, you know, for decency reasons.

23. Jewelry chunky enough to weigh you down at sea.

Don’t even risk an inflatable in the hotel pool — it’s not worth it.

24. Some tweed!

It is Chanel, after all.

25. Cropped trench coats. Why not?

26. In other outerwear: this textured leather coatdress.

27. Some sort of sequined, hooded evening gown.

For the stylish pagan holiday-maker, just perhaps?

28. The dressing gown you know you’ll be stealing from your hotel room/cabin.

29. And an actual swimsuit! Just the one, mind you. And it’s paired with heels.

Meanwhile, this is what Karl will be wearing.

His “beach suit.”

See the full Chanel 2014 resort collection at

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