13 Incredibly Fattening New Outfits For Men

Finally, fast food you can wear!

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2. Frankie Morello’s spring 2014 menswear show promised “food for all.”

That sadly didn’t mean lunchtime ciabattas laid out for showgoers, though. Instead, as the label’s designers Maurizio Modica and Pierfrancesco Gigliotti explained in their new collection’s show notes, it’s that “what we eat has become a metaphor for the fashion industry, which needs more genuineness and naturalness, a slower pace, and a search for quality and pleasure.”

3. “Food is a growing trend,” the show notes continued.

In other words, sustenance of any kind will be totally out of fashion next season — so get your carbs fix in now. And what better way to do that than with tees and sweaters featuring cartoonish junk food prints?

5. This fun sweater got lots of applause.

6. As did this sushi-printed number.

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7. And, unsurprisingly, the all-too-expected (but still always welcome) guys in Speedos were also applauded. Less so than the sushi, though, it must be said.

Everyone loves a good unagi roll.

8. Perhaps, though, because most fashion folk have seen Jarrod Scott (above on the right) wearing even less than a Speedo.

9. Scott infamously featured in Vogue Hommes International wearing, well, nothing at all. (That link is very NSFW.)

(These are some more modest photos from the editorial.)

10. Anyway, returning to highbrow content: the collection also featured “updated” versions of much-revered Renaissance artist Guiseppe Arcimboldo’s foodie paintings.

11. The designers’ take on Arcimboldo’s work: an “ironic twist” on his irreverent portraiture.

12. Morello’s screen-printed sweaters thus included more junk food, incorporated in and around Arcimboldo’s work.

(Also here and very delightful, this regatta-worthy straw boater hat.)

13. Here’s a burger-centric border surrounding another Arcimboldo painting.

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14. And here paired with some salmon pink shorts.

15. Monochromatic fast food collages appeared on bomber jackets, baggy shorts and tailored suiting. Also on baseball caps with, get this, two caps.

Stefania D’Alessandro / Getty Images

(That’s one cap in the front and one in the back too.)

16. Also, here’s a sweater with a print of Napoleon riding a horse and holding a sachet of McDonalds French fries.

Stefania D’Alessandro / Getty Images

A French guy with some French fries! How very meta. I want this sweater.

17. Sure, why not?

It’s not like they can eat you back or anything.

18. The show closed with all its models walking in “Food 4 All” slogan tees.

(As you’ll notice here, standing up to take photos during European shows isn’t necessarily a faux pas. As you’ll also notice, there are fashion followers so dedicated that they’ll wear their neon aqua knitwear to shows even when it’s hot as balls outside in Milan.)

19. Here’s designers Modica and Gigliotti taking their bow.

Stefania D’Alessandro / Getty Images

20. As the show finished, a remix of Romanian popstar Miss Platnum’s hit “Give Me The Food” played.

(Yes, that is a real music video.) Sample lyrics: “Give me the food, I said give me the food. Give me no fruit if you love me.”

That’s the chorus, and it’s quite catchy. So catchy, in fact, that quite a few of the show’s audience were singing/humming it on their exit from the venue. And then, despite the fact that the show finished in the early afternoon, absolutely nobody went for lunch.*

*That’s not a confirmed fact, but this is the fashion industry, so, you know…

21. But if you can’t wait until next spring for your fast food emblazoned clothes, try these now.

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