back to top

50 Tweets That Will Make You Say, "Wow, Yes, True"

"If I tell you I'm 5 minutes away and you believe me that is your own personal problem."

Posted on

1.

Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1000s of pictures you have of them sleeping

2.

therapist: you need to open up more me: i can’t therapist: why not me: let me visualise it for you

3.

me, at a club: do you take requests? DJ: yeah what’s up me: *slides over $10* please turn it down

4.

i get so mad when people ask what i’m gonna do on my day off!!!! bitch i’m gonna recover from all my days on

5.

6.

My customer service voice is the fakest bitch. I don’t know her

7.

The most important thing I've learned in life, and I can't stress this enough: you gotta make a salad in a bigger bowl than you think

8.

You're never too old to say "horses" when you drive past some horses

9.

10.

if I tell you I'm 5 minutes away and you believe me that is your own personal problem

11.

"Ahhh fuck" - me realizing tonight is the fun concert I excitedly bought tickets for

12.

Me checking my bank account and calling my friends to make plans anyway

13.

u ever drink water rlly intensely n it's dripping down ur chin n shit but ur lettin it and in that moment u really and truly are a dirty slut for water

14.

Ladies, rt if you know what's up. My bf doesn't believe me that other girls do this when they're mad

15.

There’s plenty of fish in the sea but you know what else there is? Trash. There is a lot of trash in the sea.

16.

“you always look tired” BECAUSE I AM TIRED BITCH

17.

i wonder how old i’ll be when i stop throwing up a peace sign every time somebody puts the camera on me

18.

Sorry i'm late I sat on my bed in a towel for an hour staring at the wall

19.

I'd rather die than make two trips carrying in groceries!

20.

*handing my hairdresser a picture of when I was happy* i wanna look like this lol

21.

22.

I took a side profile to see how my nose looked and idk what I was expecting to see but I think I just hurt my own feelings

23.

Been prototyping this diet lately: 1pm: 1 small orange 4pm: 1 bowl of grain based substance 9pm: 1400-calorie junk food "chaos meal" You don't gain any weight and you're tired all the time. It's win win

24.

people who dry swallow pills carry a terrifying amount of chaotic energy and should not be fucked with under any circumstances whatsoever

25.

When the microwave do all that damn poppin but your food still cold.

26.

I really loved the idea of moving and re-decorating until I realized one pillow is literally $25

27.

Yit’s been https://t.co/Cvcp97qDxQ

28.

When I say “I’ll let you know”...

29.

it’s so hot 😩 i wish i could put my titties in a ponytail

30.

Index Finger Rips Into Toilet Paper Package Like Velociraptor Claw https://t.co/4hGzgaAjOK

31.

My bank called me: "sir did you go to dominos at midnight three days in a row in Florida?" Me:....yah Bank:*long pause* "alright then"

32.

me running away from all my problems

33.

Wanna feel attacked???? Wear ripped jeans to any family event

34.

My debit card feels more like a gift card...not sure how much is on this, but we’ll give it a try

35.

36.

Why do airplane tickets have to be so expensive!! Having separate continents is so stupid retweet if you miss pangaea

37.

38.

Mother: can you please fix my computer Me: *leans back in chair* well... well ... well ... if it isn’t Miss ‘Get Off That Computer’ Years 1994 to 2006

39.

ME: I look cute MIRRORS: you look cute STORE WINDOWS: you look cute OTHER PEOPLE: you look cute IPHONE FORWARD-FACING CAMERA: what’s up you Shrek-lookin bag of bitch

40.

When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved

41.

42.

me driving: “i’ll hit you bitch” me walking: “hit me bitch”

43.

I don't understand why I can never finish a bag of lettuce before it expires in a week but can finish a BUCKET of chocolate pretzels that is gunna be fine until 2025 in one sitting.

44.

It’s like ... you WANT long hair but short hair is so in and trendy rn. But every time you have short hair you want long hair, and when you have long hair you have this wild desire to just CHOP IT ALL OFF. Anyway, have a good day.

45.

46.

When you become a grown up, people stop asking you what your favourite dinosaur is. They don't even care.

47.

You know how when you're a fast walker and the guy ahead of you is fast too but only 90% as fast as you, so you MUST pass him, but to pass him you have to walk comically faster than your normal speed, or else you'll be in his personal space too long as you pass? That's annoying.

48.

me: sorry, i can't. i'm swamped right now. narrator: he was not. he was looking at pictures of dogs that ate bees.

49.

a tragedy: when your hair-wash cycle doesn't coordinate w/ an event & you overestimate the amount of time in which your hair can last w/o being washed

50.

i just don’t think we should be expected to do something every day

Top trending videos

Watch more BuzzFeed Video Caret right

Top trending videos

Watch more BuzzFeed Video Caret right
The best things at three price points