29 Signs You’re Obsessed With The English Premier League

The best football league in the world? The best football league in the world.

1. You’ve bookmarked several options for dodgy live streams.

2. All other plans are suspended on match day.

Getty/Michael Regan/Staff

If your friends were really your friends, they wouldn’t even ask to do anything else.

3. You’re disappointed when people around you don’t know every song for every player.

4. If you don’t live in England, you’re more than willing to wake up at ridiculous hours to watch a match.

7am at a bar? No problem.

5. You will buy pretty much any piece of merch related to your club.

6. It never ends, really.

[Carlton Cole joke]

7. You spend way too long coming up with your fantasy team name.

8. You spend countless hours watching YouTube compilations of potential transfer targets and youth team phenoms.

9. A key player on your club forcing a move away feels as deep a betrayal as a real friend stabbing you in the back.

*cue Gooner tears*

10. You’ll even watch half-speed, meaningless preseason friendlies.

11. You either have or have strongly considered getting a club-related tattoo.

12. One podcast is not enough.


And that’s not even counting the CLUB podcasts.

13. If you’re gonna watch a replay of a match later, you go on a full media blackout.

14. You get irrationally upset about “international breaks” because they take time away from the important games.

Getty/Alex Livesey/Staff

And if anyone from your team is involved, all you’re thinking is “please don’t get injured, please don’t get injured.”

15. You think you might actually know who the Secret Footballer is.

16. Years of watching games (and playing Football Manager) have convinced you that you could run a club better than 90% of Premier League managers.

Getty/Clive Rose/Staff

Everyone on Twitter also knows you think this.

17. You love to hate and hate to love Match of the Day.

*thinks about Alan Shearer’s punditry* *sighs*

18. Martin Tyler gives you goosebumps.

19. You say you hate the transfer window, but you still refresh rumor mill blogs and websites obsessively.

20. Even if they don’t play for your club, you’re upset to see marquee players leave England ‘cause you’ll get to watch them so much less.

Paul Hanna / Reuters

21. You kinda hate summer because summer means NO GAMES.

22. Your club loyalties can even affect mealtime decisions.

23. One way or another, you have a very strong opinion about these two men.

Scott Heavey/Staff

Jamie McDonald/Staff


24. No matter how old you are, you have no shame about wearing full kit.

Getty/Shaun Botterill/Staff

25. And you have to get the updated kit each season. Even if it looks like this.

26. You try (but not always successfully) to get a handle on advanced tactics.

It’s okay, there’s only one Jonathan Wilson. Or maybe not.

27. Diving makes you angrier than phone hacking and government wiretapping combined.

28. And it has for years.

29. You know that no matter what else is happening in your life, there will always be the next game to look forward to, and that it will be great.

Getty/Oleg Nikishin/Stringer

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