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    21 Thoughts You Have When You Watch "Titanic" For The First Time

    ♫ My heart will go on. ♫ And so will this movie, FOREVER.

    Hi, we're Alex and Sam, two "adults" who had somehow made it to 2015 without seeing Titanic and decided to fire up the Blu-ray and put in the ∞ hour commitment. This is our story.

    For starters, here's what we knew going in.


    Leo!!!!!! Also, Kate Winslet. I have a SINKING suspicion there isn't a happy ending. Also, that Britney Spears music video!!! I think we might end up seeing Kate Winslet's boobs. Also Bill Paxton!!! James Cameron. Lots of Oscars.


    That Celine Dion song. Is it in the movie though? The ship sinks, I'm pretty sure. "I'm the King of the World!" That's about all I know.

    And here's what we learned after popping our Titanic cherries...

    1. Bill Paxton looks fucking silly.

    2. The music is ridiiiiculous.

    3. But what we're really here for? CELINE. MOTHERFUCKING. DION.

    4. Everything. Takes. FOREVER.

    5. No one else can touch Kathy Bates.

    6. Kate's fashion is... interesting.

    7. The CGI is cringeworthy.

    8. Young Leo, man. *fans self*

    9. Billy Zane is a very convincing creep.

    10. Rose's mom suuuuuuuucks.

    11. There is so much foreshadowing. We get it. The damn ship sinks.

    12. Leo and Kate have legit, legit chemistry.

    13. The dialogue is... not awesome.

    14. The Painting Scene really is something.

    15. And Leo shouldn't quit his day job anytime soon.


    17. Which probably explains why Old Rose is also Raunchy Rose.

    18. This movie is basically three hours of white people making bad decisions.

    19. Kate totally had space for Leo at the end!!!

    20. Rose is like, pretty much the biggest douche ever.

    21. Also, no one seems to remember this part: THIS IS NOT A GOOD MOVIE BUT IT WON A TON OF OSCARS.

    Basically, us after watching this movie: