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9 True Blue Presents For The Royal Baby

Hush little baby, don't say a word, Straya's gonna buy you an Ibis bird...

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The Australian prime minister has announced that the latest royal baby will be given the gift of a merino wool embroidered blanket and a $10,000 donation to protect the endangered mountain pygmy possum.


Much like the princess herself, the mountain pygmy possum will receive money just for being an adorable member of a dying breed that is largely irrelevant to the governance of Australia.

But the blanket is kinda boring, plus we know she already has one. So here are nine other presents that Australia could give the royal baby instead.

2. Roo balls bottle opener


If you want to rule over an empire, you gotta know how to grab a country by the balls. What better way for the little baby to practise than with this genuine Australian kangaroo scrotum bottle opener?

3. Pet ibis

JJ Harrison / Wikimedia Commons

If all the swans in England are property of the Queen, then it's only fitting that all of Australia's squawking garbage birds should be shipped to the motherland to be the property of the princess.


7. An Australian opal

Dpulitzer / Via Wikimedia Commons

If we really want to show the princess we care, we should give her one of Australia's national gemstones, one that looks like a fairy vomited up a glow stick onto a rock. It's so precious, we named a public transport card after it.