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9 True Blue Presents For The Royal Baby

Hush little baby, don't say a word, Straya's gonna buy you an Ibis bird...

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The Australian prime minister has announced that the latest royal baby will be given the gift of a merino wool embroidered blanket and a $10,000 donation to protect the endangered mountain pygmy possum.

Much like the princess herself, the mountain pygmy possum will receive money just for being an adorable member of a dying breed that is largely irrelevant to the governance of Australia.But the blanket is kinda boring, plus we know she already has one. So here are nine other presents that Australia could give the royal baby instead.
Supplied

Much like the princess herself, the mountain pygmy possum will receive money just for being an adorable member of a dying breed that is largely irrelevant to the governance of Australia.

But the blanket is kinda boring, plus we know she already has one. So here are nine other presents that Australia could give the royal baby instead.

1. Speed dealer sunnies

Big brother in line to the throne? This baby princess is #TooBlazedToBePhased.
Getty Images / BuzzFeed

Big brother in line to the throne? This baby princess is #TooBlazedToBePhased.

2. Roo balls bottle opener

If you want to rule over an empire, you gotta know how to grab a country by the balls. What better way for the little baby to practise than with this genuine Australian kangaroo scrotum bottle opener?
EBay

If you want to rule over an empire, you gotta know how to grab a country by the balls. What better way for the little baby to practise than with this genuine Australian kangaroo scrotum bottle opener?

3. Pet ibis

If all the swans in England are property of the Queen, then it's only fitting that all of Australia's squawking garbage birds should be shipped to the motherland to be the property of the princess.
JJ Harrison / Wikimedia Commons

If all the swans in England are property of the Queen, then it's only fitting that all of Australia's squawking garbage birds should be shipped to the motherland to be the property of the princess.

4. Onion rattle

Any young princess of Australia should learn the tastes of the local people at an early age.
kstarz.co.uk / BuzzFeed

Any young princess of Australia should learn the tastes of the local people at an early age.

5. An Australian knighthood

So she can match with her great-granddad.
John Stillwell / Getty Images

So she can match with her great-granddad.

6. Ugg Boots

Kate and Wills are apparently trying to choose between naming the princess Charlotte or Alice. Why not combine the two, and crown her Charlice the Bogan Princess?
kids-style-lounge.de

Kate and Wills are apparently trying to choose between naming the princess Charlotte or Alice. Why not combine the two, and crown her Charlice the Bogan Princess?

7. An Australian opal

If we really want to show the princess we care, we should give her one of Australia's national gemstones, one that looks like a fairy vomited up a glow stick onto a rock. It's so precious, we named a public transport card after it.
Dpulitzer / Via Wikimedia Commons en.wikipedia.org

If we really want to show the princess we care, we should give her one of Australia's national gemstones, one that looks like a fairy vomited up a glow stick onto a rock. It's so precious, we named a public transport card after it.

8. Frozen on DVD

What? Kids love that shit. And at $24.95 AUD it's worth at least twice as more in Australia than in the UK.
cdnvideo.dolimg.com

What? Kids love that shit. And at $24.95 AUD it's worth at least twice as more in Australia than in the UK.

9. A standing invitation to the #QandA panel

Even if she gurgles and poops through the whole thing, she'll still make more sense than most of the other guests. #PrincessforPM
ABC / BuzzFeed

Even if she gurgles and poops through the whole thing, she'll still make more sense than most of the other guests. #PrincessforPM