back to top

Clive Palmer Takes Drastic Action After A Croc Bit A Guy At His Resort

Billionaire politician takes decisive action after an elderly man was bitten by a crocodile on his golf course.

Posted on

I would like to wish the well-known local man who was attacked by a crocodile in Port Douglas this afternoon a speedy recovery.

Crocodile has been removed from all menus at Palmer properties following today's incident with a member of our Port Douglas Golf Course


Palmer Sea Reef / Facebook: 391840504228469

1. Clive Palmer owns a golf course?

2. Why are there crocodiles on his golf course?

3. Who's the well-known man?

4. Is he ok?

5. How big was this crocodile?

6. Why is Clive Palmer tweeting about this?

7. Oh good, here's another tweet that will make everything perfectly clear. Wait, what?

8. He's taken crocodile off the menu?

9. There was crocodile on the menu in the first place?

10. How is that in any way an appropriate response?

11. Surely if anything there'd be more crocodiles on the menu after the attack?

12. Did he think the crocodiles would be offended at being snubbed from the menu?

13. And like, that would make them think twice about attacking people?

14. Anyway, how many properties does this guy own?

15. How many crocodiles does this guy own?

16. What if Clive Palmer owned all the crocodiles?

17. Would he saddle them all up and ride them into parliament like a croc chariot?

18. Why is he so obsessed with reptiles?

19. What's going to happen to the crocodile?

20. Is it holed up in high-level talks with Clive Palmer trying to broker a peace deal?

21. Or is it deep in a Coolum dungeon being waterboarded by a Palmer henchman?

22. Can you even waterboard a crocodile?



It hasn't been a great year for Clive Palmer's tourism ventures. Last month, his giant T-Rex statue was the victim of an electrical fire.

Fire guts Jeff the dinosaur at Clive Palmer's Coolum resort.

And last week, a deer went on a rampage through Gold Coast streets after escaping from Clive Palmer's Avica resort.

Deer believed to be owned by Clive Palmer euthanised, after causing chaos in a Merrimac, Gold Coast, estate. #9News


But Clive Palmer seems to be taking crocs off the menu in a sign of solidarity rather than revenge. “Eating crocodile is a violent event against them and should be stopped,” he said in the The Cairns Post.

Stefan Postles / Getty Images

So maybe Clive Palmer taking crocodile off the menu isn't so crazy after all. He's not worried about getting bitten by a croc, he's worried about getting bitten by karma.