back to top

Can You Make It Through This Post Without Having Sexy Thoughts About Coal?

*bites lip* *fans self*

Posted on

Before you watch this new TV ad about coal, released by the Minerals Council of Australia, you might wanna dim the lights, scatter some rose petals, light a candle or two. Slip into something a little more comfortable. Are you ready?

View this video on YouTube

Need to take a second before we look at it again? Go ahead, we’ll wait.

It starts with the camera panning slowly across the surface, taking its time, luxuriating in every nook and cranny....

As the voiceover purrs... "This can provide endless possibilities. It can create light, and jobs."

Light AND jobs? Goddamn...

What is this mystical place we have been transported to? Is it the moon?

Is it the ice planet from Interstellar?

Paramount Pictures / Via

Is it a future vision of the scorched surface of the earth after it has been ravaged by global warming?

Whatever it is.. It is making us feel things.

2DS Productions

Then finally, when you can't take any more.. it reveals itself to you in all its glory: A big, hard lump of coal.

"Isn't it amazing what this little black rock can do?"

As expected, green groups have attacked the campaign, labelling it "desperate" and "ridiculous". Some cruel people even hijacked the #coalisamazing hashtag on social media.

Coal is so easy to mine that even children can do it #coalisamazing

#coalisamazing at utterly destroying the environment

#coalisamazing because of the 120,000 premature deaths and 20m cases of asthma is causes every year in India

show your passion for destroying our environment with this stylish pendant #coalisamazing

It's especially hurtful for coal since the mining industry's #australiansforcoal campaign suffered similar treatment last year.

Blessed are the daughters of battler mining billionaires, for they will inherit the coal. #australiansforcoal

Luckily, some people still appreciate coal. According to the IMF, the Australian government gives $1,260 per head in fossil fuel subsidies.

So if you see coal drinking alone at a bar one night, maybe go up and buy it a drink. After all, it's amazing what a little black rock can do.

Thinkstock / BuzzFeed

Alexandra Lee is a politics reporter for BuzzFeed News and is based in Sydney, Australia.

Contact Alex Lee at

Got a confidential tip? Submit it here.