Skip To Content

    27 Comedians On Twitter Who Are Funnier Than You

    Can you judge a stand up comedian by their tweets?

    The Melbourne International Comedy Festival kicks off this week – here are 27 Australian (or honorary Australian) comedians definitely worth a follow.

    1. Karl Chandler

    Tattoos are great for preserving memories, otherwise I would have totally forgotten about that anchor.

    2. Tommy Dassalo

    The news that the Big Day Out will not be happening in 2015 has sent the Australian Flag Cape industry into a tailspin.

    3. Becky Lucas

    Can't wait to die so I don't have to create any more usernames and passwords.

    4. Tommy Little

    My tolerance for arseholes is pretty low unless they have a pool. If you're an arsehole with a pool I would still like to be friends please.

    5. Laura Davis

    #Women who say that they're against #feminism because they LIKE to cook can f*** off & go bake the rest of us rape whistles out of marzipan.

    6. Dave Callan

    Whenever someone does a racist rant explosion on public transport they should have to swap their place in society with an asylum seeker

    7. Jennifer Wong

    Do you have to pay your HECS debt if you're not clinically dead, but you're dead inside? Asking for a loan.

    8. Hannah Gadsby

    wombats let all animals use their burrows during bush fires. see... not all Australians are racist at tough times.

    9. Gen Fricker

    Just saw 50 Shades of Grey and my pussy is drier than Oscar Wilde

    10. Tim Ferguson

    BREAKING: PM Promises Good Government Starts Monday, Tuesday At The Latest, Lock It In Wednesday or COB Thursday. Or Friday. Week. #auspol

    11. Michael Hing

    Don't date anyone who hasn't watched the first 5 seasons of The Simpsons. They have important work to do and you'll just be a distraction.

    12. Fiona O'Loughlin

    Clooney's getting married, Pam Anderson's divorcing, Lara Bingles not pregnant & I just pray the Syrian Refugees aren't missing any of this

    13. Em Rusciano

    Taking selfies in front of a hostage situation? It may be time to re-evaluate your life choices and to punch yourself in the throat.

    14. Alasdair Tremblay-Burchall

    15. Matt Okine

    Hey cadbury, if moro bars are such a 'favourite', how come nobody sells normal sized one?

    16. Anne Edmonds

    Mum with the sushi platter for kids at brunswick pool, let them have a packet of burger rings & 2 Cornettos. Let em live! Let em spew!

    17. Shane Matheson

    I can't think of a daylight savings joke. Give me an hour.

    18. Ronny Chieng

    People upset that there's no hoverboard in 2015 - were you also upset that there was no time machine DeLorean in 1985? #BackToTheFuture

    19. Tom Ballard

    I can't believe someone vandalised Captain Cook's cottage, I hate it when people go onto other people's property and mess it up

    20. Jazz Twemlow

    Scientists show link between vaccination and children living long enough to become anti-vaxxers in adulthood. #vaccination

    21. Daniel Townes

    If you think labradoodle sounds ridiculous, the alternative is poodor.

    22. Demi Lardner

    LIFEHACK: just fucking steal stuff I don't know who cares we're all goddamn animals

    23. Xavier Michelides

    You can lead a horse to water... and tickle his balls, it's all part of our 'no questions asked' holiday package.

    24. Nellie White

    so unfair that my male housemates get to wander around shirtless and I have to wear these damn nip tassles

    25. Lee Naimo

    Starve a cold. Feed a fever. Put a headache on the Atkins Diet. Make a sore toe a cup of tea. Invite an eye infection over for Sunday Roast.

    26. Zoe Coombs Marr

    Pope deems gay marriage "unnatural", whilst sitting celibate on a throne in a bonnet celebrating magic virgin birth.

    27. Michael Workman

    If there were a competition for most jealous person, would the runner up automatically win?