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13 Animal Masturbation Facts That Will Make You Feel Better About Being Single AF

You do you!

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1. Male common marmosets, at least in captivity, have been known to suck their own dicks when they are unable to mate in their social group.

2. Smaller male marine iguanas will often masturbate before mating with a female so they can ejaculate faster, as they are often pushed away by larger males before they finish.

6. Not to be outdone, male spotted dolphins masturbate by sticking their dicks in the sand and moving back and forth. Females also masturbate with sand — they just rub up against it.

7. According to Jane Goodall, female chimps sometimes "finger and tickle their genitals."

Tambako The Jaguar / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: tambako

"Oh, nothing... Just some light fingering and tickling today — what about you?"

9. Male horses often masturbate without their limbs by just kinda bouncing their dicks against their stomachs.

Hunter Desportes / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: hdport

"I dunno, Ed, might be time for a bit of the ol' bounce and press."

11. Male African ground squirrels masturbate all the time. Some researchers think this is a cleaning adaptation that prevents squirrel STIs.

Pytyczech / Getty Images

Looks like the coast is clear for a little bit of STI screening, buddy.

Science Writer, Fossil Beastmaster

Contact Alex Kasprak at

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