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19 Signs You Might Be A Douche Canoe

You didn't choose the douche canoe life, the douche canoe life chose you.

1. You're grumpy literally all the time.

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2. Your default reaction to meeting a new person is to be a jerk to them to see if they can handle you.

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3. And if you have a crush on somebody they never find out because you roast them on the regular.

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4. Your sarcasm game is on point all the time.

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5. Which means that people have no idea if you're ever being serious.

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6. You're brutally honest, emphasis on the "brutal."

7. You can literally get exhausted by having to fake being nice to people.

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8. Being patient is not really in your emotional vocabulary.

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9. You can't drudge up the energy to care about other people's problems. You just can't.

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10. Your friends don't want to tell you when somebody messes with them, because they know you'll go BANANAS on whoever hurt them.

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Pictured: You going HAM on Becky after what she said to Sandra.

11. "Why tweet when you can subtweet," should be on your tombstone.

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12. You put your headphones on even if you aren't listening to music, just to make sure no one talks to you.

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13. You've gone beyond "Resting Bitch Face." You have Resting Murder Face.

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14. You've purposefully walked into people walking slow in front of you to let them know their pace is unacceptable.

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15. You could never have the kind of job where you have to work with people all day.

16. Your road rage knows no limits.

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17. You can suss out what kind of insult will crush a person and aren't afraid to use it when the time is right.

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18. Your primary reason for being on social media is to see how poorly your enemies are faring.

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19. And, like all douche canoes, you mean well but have a really hard time expressing that.

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20. This post was inspired by @StumblesB. BuzzFeed <3's you!