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19 Signs You Might Be A Douche Canoe

You didn't choose the douche canoe life, the douche canoe life chose you.

1. You're grumpy literally all the time.

2. Your default reaction to meeting a new person is to be a jerk to them to see if they can handle you.

3. And if you have a crush on somebody they never find out because you roast them on the regular.

4. Your sarcasm game is on point all the time.

5. Which means that people have no idea if you're ever being serious.

6. You're brutally honest, emphasis on the "brutal."

7. You can literally get exhausted by having to fake being nice to people.

8. Being patient is not really in your emotional vocabulary.

9. You can't drudge up the energy to care about other people's problems. You just can't.

10. Your friends don't want to tell you when somebody messes with them, because they know you'll go BANANAS on whoever hurt them.

11. "Why tweet when you can subtweet," should be on your tombstone.

12. You put your headphones on even if you aren't listening to music, just to make sure no one talks to you.

13. You've gone beyond "Resting Bitch Face." You have Resting Murder Face.

14. You've purposefully walked into people walking slow in front of you to let them know their pace is unacceptable.

15. You could never have the kind of job where you have to work with people all day.

16. Your road rage knows no limits.

17. You can suss out what kind of insult will crush a person and aren't afraid to use it when the time is right.

18. Your primary reason for being on social media is to see how poorly your enemies are faring.

19. And, like all douche canoes, you mean well but have a really hard time expressing that.

20. This post was inspired by @StumblesB. BuzzFeed <3's you!