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15 Lies New Yorkers Can't Help But Tell

We're all a bunch of liars but it's what keeps us feeling civil.

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1. Lie: "This apartment is HUGE!"

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Truth: I know you beggared yourself getting the broker's fee for this studio so I'm not going to kick you while you're down.

2. Lie: "I've heard good things about this place."

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Truth: Four stars on Yelp, can't be that bad.

3. Lie: "The name sounds familiar. Yeah, I think I follow them on Twitter."

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Truth: Who the eff is that? Oh god am I irrelevant?

4. Lie: "My place is really close to the subway."

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Truth: My place is twenty minutes from the subway, somewhere on 1st Ave. I'm so sorry. I just wanted you to come over. I don't want to be alone.

5. Lie: "Ew, I never go to Murray Hill."

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Truth: There MAY be a few bartenders on 33rd St. who know me by name but I only end up there at the end of the night when I'm meeting friends I swear.

6. Lie: "I live in Williamsburg."

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Truth: I live in Flatbush

7. Lie: "We should totally go to Coney Island."

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Truth: I only went there once, and it was for the hot dogs.

8. Lie: "It takes me 30 minutes to get to work."

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Truth: It takes me 45 minutes to an hour to get to work and yet, I resolve myself to being 15 minutes late every day.

9. Lie: It's really convenient if you take the bus.

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Truth: The bus is never convenient.

10. Lie: "I'd LOVE to go to Magnolia with you and your cousin from Wisconsin."

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Truth: I'm going to make you buy my drinks for a week if you make me go to Magnolia, I swear to god.

11. Lie: "I'm a Carrie!"

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Truth: I'm a Miranda.

12. Lie: "I can get away with wearing these heels all day."

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Truth: Maybe if I were rich and could take town cars everywhere I could last all day but I WALK and MY FEET HURT.

13. Lie: "I hate it when people Instagram their food."

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Truth: I paid 60 bucks for this prix fixe, I'm hashtagging the shit out of these petit fours.

14. Lie: "This place has the best bagels."

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Truth: This place has the best bagels. The place next door has the best bagels. Everyone has the best bagels. They're just bagels.

15. Lie: "I'm fine, how are you?"

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Truth: *SCREAMS INTERNALLY*

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