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How Suburban Are You?

"Where the suburbs meet utopia."

Posted on
  1. trekandshoot / Via Thinkstock

    Check all that apply:

    Check
    You live in a real house.
    Check
    You have a yard.
    Check
    The yard has real, actual grass.
    Check
    And a sprinkler system to keep it green in the summer.
    Check
    There is a cul-de-sac in your neighborhood.
    Check
    Your bike was your primary method of transportation until you learned to drive.
    Check
    And now you have to drive to get absolutely anywhere.
    Check
    Like the mall.
    Check
    Because the mall is one of the primary center of your social life.
    Check
    The other centers are the movie theater and the diner.
    Check
    You got your license as soon as it was legally possible.
    Check
    So you could actually drive yourself to the mall, movie theater, and diner.
    Check
    Your friends are all people you have known since you were in elementary school.
    Check
    You've hit a deer with your car.
    Check
    Which is fine because deer have been f*cking with your vegetable garden since time immemorial.
    Check
    You had a Razr scooter.
    Check
    That you scooted around the cul-de-sac with.
    Check
    You were friends with some neighborhood kids during the summer who you would never hang out with at school.
    Check
    Because they had a pool.
    Check
    Alternatively, you had a pool and were the most popular kid in the world for three months.
    Check
    High school popularity was very important.
    Check
    Because it pretty much determined who was going to be mayor ten years down the line.
    Check
    You got drunk for the first time in the basement of a friend's house.
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    And the second time, and the third time, and the fourth time...
    Check
    Until you graduated to drinking on the playground, or in the woods, or in a parking lot.
    Check
    If you ever got in trouble, it was OK because the cop taught your DARE class and knew you were a good kid.
    Check
    You unashamedly enjoy going to places like Olive Garden and Macaroni Grill.
    Check
    Because they're the only places to go when you live and that's OK.
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    And who doesn't love unlimited breadsticks?
    Check
    You get a holiday card from your dentist every year.
    Check
    You have a pretty good handle on what a gallon of gas should be costing these days.
    Check
    And have altered your route to pass by the gas station that sells it two cents cheaper.
    Check
    Because you're really good at saving money.
    Check
    Seriously, coupons and a statistically lower cost of living are amazing.
    Check
    And even if you do move to the city, you know you're always going to have your super chill suburban sensibilities.
  1. Correct
    Incorrect
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Correct
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    Correct
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    Nuli_k / Via Thinkstock
    Nuli_k / Via Thinkstock
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