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How Suburban Are You?

"Where the suburbs meet utopia."

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  1. 1.

    Check all that apply:
    trekandshoot / Via Thinkstock

    Check all that apply:

    You live in a real house.
    You have a yard.
    The yard has real, actual grass.
    And a sprinkler system to keep it green in the summer.
    There is a cul-de-sac in your neighborhood.
    Your bike was your primary method of transportation until you learned to drive.
    And now you have to drive to get absolutely anywhere.
    Like the mall.
    Because the mall is one of the primary center of your social life.
    The other centers are the movie theater and the diner.
    You got your license as soon as it was legally possible.
    So you could actually drive yourself to the mall, movie theater, and diner.
    Your friends are all people you have known since you were in elementary school.
    You've hit a deer with your car.
    Which is fine because deer have been f*cking with your vegetable garden since time immemorial.
    You had a Razr scooter.
    That you scooted around the cul-de-sac with.
    You were friends with some neighborhood kids during the summer who you would never hang out with at school.
    Because they had a pool.
    Alternatively, you had a pool and were the most popular kid in the world for three months.
    High school popularity was very important.
    Because it pretty much determined who was going to be mayor ten years down the line.
    You got drunk for the first time in the basement of a friend's house.
    And the second time, and the third time, and the fourth time...
    Until you graduated to drinking on the playground, or in the woods, or in a parking lot.
    If you ever got in trouble, it was OK because the cop taught your DARE class and knew you were a good kid.
    You unashamedly enjoy going to places like Olive Garden and Macaroni Grill.
    Because they're the only places to go when you live and that's OK.
    And who doesn't love unlimited breadsticks?
    You get a holiday card from your dentist every year.
    You have a pretty good handle on what a gallon of gas should be costing these days.
    And have altered your route to pass by the gas station that sells it two cents cheaper.
    Because you're really good at saving money.
    Seriously, coupons and a statistically lower cost of living are amazing.
    And even if you do move to the city, you know you're always going to have your super chill suburban sensibilities.

How Suburban Are You?

  1. Nuli_k / Via Thinkstock

How Suburban Are You?

You got: not very suburban.

You either grew up in a very unconventional suburb or are not suburban at all.

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You got: suburban-ish.

You've spent a few nights drinking beer in the parking lot of a 7-11 and maybe halfheartedly ran for Homecoming Court, but you're not 100% committed to the suburban lifestyle.

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You got: quite suburban.

You know what's up in the burbs! Your house probably looks just like the one next to it.

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You got: SUPER suburban.

You are a scooter-riding, mall-crashing, prom-going paradigm of what it means to grow up in the suburbs. All hail Captain Suburbia.

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