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How Bernard The Elf In "The Santa Clause" Caused My Sexual Awakening

I still want to find Bernard under the mistletoe.

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The Santa Clause is a heartwarming family classic starring Tim Allen as a divorced dad who legit murders Santa. It was my family's go-to holiday movie for years.

Disney / Via movies.disney.com

I was only three years old when The Santa Clause was first released, but at some point in my early adolescence that annual re-watch started to make me feel tingly things.

Disney / Via fanpop.com

I felt these things for one reason and one reason only: little David Krumholtz in his breakout role as Bernard the Elf.

Disney / Via fanpop.com

There was something captivating about Bernard. Maybe it was his sleepy dark eyes.

#swoon
Disney / Via youtube.com

#swoon

Maybe it's because he had teeny dreads that seemed like fun to play with.

Disney / Via fanpop.com

Maybe it's because he was kind of an asshole, which is a romantic identity I have never had a problem with.

Disney

In any case, the result was the same. Bernard was my first real childhood crush.

Disney / Via goocher-.tumblr.com

I remember having tween fantasies about snuggling up in Santa's sleigh.

20th Century Fox / Via teelicioussblog.wordpress.com

They were chaste fantasies at first, but...you know.

Even now as an adult* woman with romantic preferences, I fully admit that my type is best described as "literally (not figuratively) David Krumholtz as Bernard the Elf."

Disney / Via bernardheadelf.tumblr.com

*lol

I have recently learned that I am not alone in this predilection for Bernard.

Somebody's writing it.

Somebody's writing it.

A lot of people cite him as the leading man of their childhood fantasies.

BERNARD THE ELF WAS MY FIRST CRUSH CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT THIS

JuLiA/16@PenetrationarryFollow

BERNARD THE ELF WAS MY FIRST CRUSH CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT THIS

5:29 PM - 09 Dec 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

Like, a lot:

I'll forever have a crush on Bernard the elf

Amy@baillargeon18Follow

I'll forever have a crush on Bernard the elf

9:22 PM - 02 Dec 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

Did anyone else think that Bernard the Elf from The Santa Clause was a hot piece of ass when they were growing up or was that just me?

Dani Clark@DaniClark1313Follow

Did anyone else think that Bernard the Elf from The Santa Clause was a hot piece of ass when they were growing up or was that just me?

9:06 PM - 07 Dec 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

And I must admit that after all this time, it's validating to see that I wasn't the only one who got all shook up by his elfin charms.

i had a huge crush on bernard the elf when I was a kid. thought he was super hot. yep.

bern@bernrockssocksFollow

i had a huge crush on bernard the elf when I was a kid. thought he was super hot.

yep.

11:17 PM - 06 Dec 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

Sometimes I think that my very specific attractions are weirder than everyone else's. They are not.

David Krumholtz went on to play an even hotter and more age-appropriate Bernard in The Santa Clause 2, and also to become a bona-fide geeky heartthrob in his role as Charlie Eppes in Numbers.

#legalswoon
CBS Television / Via maskitheclown.livejournal.com

#legalswoon

I went on to become a humor writer who is still searching, in some way or another, for her very own beautiful jerk elf.

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