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The Pros And Cons Of Dating The Avengers

Just because they're heroes doesn't mean they're all good.

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Steve Rogers aka Captain America

Disney / Via


• Opens every door, pulls out every chair.

• Butt butt butt butt butt butt.

• Would never even dream of mansplaining you because Peggy Carter whooped that nonsense out of him long ago.


• That said, probably still a little hung up on Peggy Carter.

• Never gets any of your funny movie references.

• Actually, also probably hung up on Bucky Barnes. You really can't compete with that.

Natasha Romanoff aka Black Widow

Disney / Via


• Never makes you feel stupid despite being 100,000✕ smarter than you.

• Knows the coolest bars and speakeasies to take you on dates.

• Who needs a security system when you sleep next to a living weapon?


• You'll be like, "Natasha I love you, just let me in, baby," and she'll be like, "I don't talk about my past" and the aloofness will drive you nuts.

• If you break her heart, the goddamn Avengers will come after you.

• And you'd better hope they find you before she does.

Clint Barton aka Hawkeye

Disney / Via


• Great aim, if you know what I mean. (I'm not really sure what I mean?)

• Solid understanding that gendered clothing is nonsense and if he wants to wear a purple tunic top then by Jove, he'll wear a purple tunic top.

• Secretly wonderful singing voice. Like a songbird.


• Will show up outside your two-story bedroom window all the time, like, "What? Clint, no, use the door."

• Short-term memory loss from that time he was mind-controlled by a god; sometimes forgets to buy the milk.

• Chip on his shoulder about being left off major merchandise. Natasha's over it, but he's legit pissed.

Thor Odinson aka... Yeah, still Thor

Disney / Via


• Your whole life will feel like a Shakespeare play because he does the forsooth and thee stuff all the time.

• Can reach everything you keep on the highest shelf.

• Gives the warmest, safest-feeling hugs in all of Midgard.


• Those hugs have also knocked the wind out of you more than once.

• Once you've been with a god you're spoiled for life, dickwise.

• Leaves his hammer on the toilet seat just to mess with you and thinks that shit's funny.


Bruce Banner aka The Hulk

Disney / Via


• Will put a bandage on your cut finger and then kiss it to make you feel better.

• His hair is always rumpled no matter how hard he tries to tame it, and you love it that way.

• When Tony is busy, he invites Pepper over for dinner because he knows you really like her and you end up splitting like five bottles of wine and having an absolute ball.


• A little too emotionally guarded, you know, like you can never really have an argument with him because he just won't engage.

• Goes on science rants where you understand maybe 10% of the words that come out of his mouth.

• You can't really hold the Other Guy against Bruce, but he's still a little scary to think about.

Tony Stark aka Iron Man

Disney / Via


• Billionaire genius playboy philanthropist, but also seems OK with monogamy. Unicorn status achieved.

• The facial hair really works on him IDK usually goatees are a nope but he's really working it.

• Steve Rogers thinks he's kind of OK, so there have to be some redeeming qualities deep down inside. Real deep. Deeeeeep.


• Too rich. He has no idea what it's like for Middle America.

• Double whammy of mommy AND daddy issues.

• Bad kisser. You'll look like two seals fighting over a grape.

Nick Fury

Disney / Via


• If you like older men who also happen to look the same as they did when they were younger men, Nick's your dude.

• Hot scar — people love scars.

• Pirate role-play is basically a given. Bring me the booty.


• Legally dead so you don't get benefits.

• Work-life balance is basically nonexistent.

• Will make you fake your death if it's convenient for him and his aims.