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47 Disturbing Questions We Have For These "Minion" Creatures

What do minions dream of when they take a little minion snooze?

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Universal Pictures / Via

1. Let's take this from the top, shall we?

2. What. Are. You.

3. Seriously: animal, vegetable, mineral? What the fuck are you supposed to be?

4. Why are your voices so high?

5. What does gender mean for you in your weird, creepy Tic-Tac society?

6. People use a lot of male pronouns to refer to the lot of you so are you ALL dudes?

7. Do you have dude parts?

8. Let me clarify the question in case you don't understand what I'm actually asking: y'all got Minion dicks or nah?

9. Do you pee out of them?

10. Actually, break it down for me in full. How do you pee?

11. What about bowel movements?

12. Do you have bowels?

13. I'm pretty sure we've seen you eat so the food has to go SOMEWHERE, right?

Universal Pictures / Via

14. Is that why you wear the overalls?

15. Actually, you haven't always worn the overalls. How did you come to decide that overalls were going to be your ~thing?~

16. Are you aware that you've ruined overalls for everyone, forever, until the end of time?

17. Are they real denim?

18. Why denim?

19. Why do some of you have two eyes but others have one? It seems like a weird form of personal dimorphism that has no evolutionary advantage.

20. Is there a secret Minion hierarchy based on number of eyes, like the Star-Bellied Sneetches from Dr. Seuss?

21. Is it considered more attractive to be a one-eyed minion?

22. You ever meet a guy called Mike Wazowski?

23. In the trailer for Minions the insinuation that the same group of yellow blob things have been at this minion game for a long, long time. Are you immortal?

24. What does it take to actually kill one of you?

Universal Pictures / Via

25. If it's not the same group of Minions continuing from at least the time of the dinosaurs, then how have you lasted this long?

26. Do you reproduce?

27. Do you do so asexually?

28. Are there minions with compatible sexual organs with which your presumed minion dicks can reproduce?


30. Or do you just bud off new minions every so often, like sponges.

31. What hurt you so badly that you have a pathological need to serve the world's greatest evils?

32. Can we effectively blame most of the world's worst social and political catastrophes on you?

33. Or are you secretly heroes, bungling every super-evil scheme in history with your adorable yellow incompetence?

34. Do you believe in God?

35. Is evil your god?

36. Did you sell your tepid lemony souls to the devil for immortal life?

37. Is THAT where the minion thing comes from?

Universal Pictures / Via

38. Are there any minions in other colors or is yellow as good as it gets with you guys?

39. Do you all have butts or is it just that one bootlylicious minion who has the butt.

40. Did he even have a butt before he put the thong on?

41. Did the thong just bisect his flubbery minion-mass into something resembling human buttcheeks?

42. Do you regularly wear underwear or nah?

41. Sorry, back on the whole sex thing: fire hydrants?

44. You KNEW those were fire hydrants, didn't you?

45. And if you don't have any minion genitals, from whence did your drive to effectively fuck those fire hydrants come from?



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