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40 WTF Thoughts You Had While Watching: "Gotham"

Season 1, Episode 14: "The Fearsome Doctor Crane"

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•There's a man about to be thrown off the building and the only thing I can think is how the "Gotham" font on the building's sign is the same as the show titles. The design team on this show has got. it. together. I hope they win many awards.

•What percentage of Gotham takes place at "the docks." Would you say it's 100%?

•A solid 32% of Gotham takes place at the docks. The rest is in various restaurants and standing in front of Barbara's clock with a glass of wine.

•"A bird in the hand is 9/10ths of the law." We need to start keeping track of these Maroni-isms. They're pretty golden.

•Everyone says "yay," but no one really means "yay."

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•The captain shows up to a crime scene and is like "Where's Gordon? Did we fire him again? Don't tell me he tried to arrest the mayor."

•Ed Nygma looks almost straight into the camera and says "I'm a hole," presumably referring to his soul.

•See, Jim Gordon's a good cop. He shows up to Barbara's apartment and within minutes solves the mystery of who has been eating all his snacks. Good job Jim. Take the rest of the day off.

•Jim is so easily outsmarted by a thirteen year old whose plans solely consist of being very small and/or several feet away. This is consistent.

•Bruce just called Jim out on being a legitimately bad cop. Bruce Wayne is officially genre-savvy. Look out, world.

•"Bruce can't pursue this case on this own, it's too dangerous. Also he's literally a little boy."

•Back at the station we have a lady who can out-Bullock Bullock. "Don't be an ass," she says because she's ~spunky.~

•Harvey's so into it. When the Fish is away the Bull will play, I guess.

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•What was Maroni and Penguin's schedule like where they're drinking champagne in the morning, taking a very long drive, and then arrive at a cabin in the woods to eat oatmeal. That better be savory oatmeal.

•Maroni loves three things: fresh air, the truth, and oatmeal made with chicken broth and root vegetables.

•And now he's finally asking the questions we've been asking ourselves since Nico died. How did anyone gloss over the fact that the guy was STABBED during a GUNFIGHT?

•"He ran into my knife ten times." -Penguin

•This might be a dumb question but how does this guy...know to be afraid of pigs? He lives in an urban area. There's no internet. He's maybe seen two pigs in his life and it's not like pigs are on TV all the time. Does he even know what pigs are, really?

•Also that piglet is the cutest thing I've on this show since Victor's "Funkytown" ringtone.

•Harvey doesn't even want to know what Jim does when he's alone. He's literally terrified of Jim's masturbation habits. Same tbh.

•Haha she's in a Fish-ing boat.

•Harvey just let his dick get in the way of him following a lead, which means that now even the best cop in the city is bad at his job. RIP Gotham.

•Ed is really sweet but wow, he needs to learn boundaries. Or turn to flamboyant domestic terrorism. Whatever comes first.

•Maroni and Pengin are asking each other the kinds of questions girls at a sleepover ask each other when they can't sleep. "Tell me a secret. A good one this time."

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•Leslie Thompson is getting mad because her boyfriend talked about work before complimenting her lipstick. Lol. No.

•"My eyebrows are on fleek, Jim. On FLEEK."

•Can we back up for a second here? Lee is a goddess. She is Morena Baccarin as a doctor with her shit together in a million different ways and she is getting flustered over a date with a homeless cop? Because that's what Jim is. How does this relationship work?

•TV restaurants: Come in, have a brief conversation, order nothing, and leave.

•Nygma is trying to crack a fairly basic padlock with a turning tool and a hook, when he should KNOW that a padlock is more easily forced with a rake or a shim. He can make one out of a coke can.

•Every word Harvey speaks is a lullaby.

•Penguin's superpower is being able to convince people of things, but only for a little while. Temporary persuasiveness. And it gets him in trouble.

•Ed just filled a dude's locker with body parts, add a minute to the Batman Inevitability Clock! He's Riddlering!

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•Does anyone else think that this Crane is a little old to be Scarecrow by the time Batman is in his prime?

•OH. OH his SON IS. OH. THE BOY. WOW.

•Baby Scarecrow is a huuuuunk. Looks like a basement DJ.

•Jim and Harvey bust onto the scene and take waaay too long to realize that there's a drowning woman in the pool. Stop posing and get. her. out. of. the. water.

•Penguin escapes from the car crusher, only to be discovered in a pile of leaves by a gaggle of soulful, elderly black women who dress like a box of crayons and love Jesus. Kind of like what my grandma would be like if she were a caricature of her culture and not a real person. Huh.

•Jim's trying to hire Lee, a medical doctor, to be Gotham PD's new medical examiner. He's going to hire the shit out of her. Oh yeah. Get those benefits, baby.

•How does the old medical examiner being fired mean that Ed gets his job back? There's no correlation between their cases.

•Jim says there are too many cops around to kiss Leslie. He's too on duty to touch that booty.

So to "recap" if you will — Jim Gordon abandons Bruce in the pursuit of his parents killers, Gotham's criminal element gets creative, and some dating happens. Let's check in with the ol-

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