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12 Amazing Book Plotlines That Never Made It To "Game Of Thrones"

There's not enough airtime in the world for Tyrion's shenanigans alone.

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SPOILERS for ALL published books in the A Song of Ice and Fire series, and for Season 5 of Game of Thrones.

1. While enslaved, Tyrion becomes part of a private menagerie owned by a Yunkish millionaire.

HBO / Via reactiongifs.me

•His dwarfism makes him a prized addition to Yezzan zo Qaggaz's "collection."

•His companions in slavery include Sweets, the only intersex character in A Song Of Ice And Fire, and Penny – a young woman dwarf who performed an insulting clown set at King Joffrey's wedding.

•After his master dies of the plague, Tyrion escapes slavery and joins a sellsword company.

2. Arianne Martell, daughter of Prince Doran of Dorne, conspires to crown Princess Myrcella as Queen of the Seven Kingdoms based on a loophole in Westerosi law.

HBO / Via weheartit.com

•When Dorne was absorbed into the seven kingdoms, it was under the condition that "Dornish law will always rule in Dorne."

•The Dornish practice absolute primogeniture, meaning that the order of succession is determined solely by birth order, not gender. The rest of the seven kingdoms places female offspring behind all male offspring, regardless of age.

•Because of these two rules, Arianne argues that Myrcella, being older than Tommen, is the legal and rightful queen of the Seven Kingdoms.

•She plots to spirit the "Queen" away from Sunspear but is betrayed and caught. Princess Myrcella loses an ear in the process.

3. It's not explicitly stated in the show, but true men of the North cannot become knights.

HBO / Via giphy.com

•Knighthood in the Seven Kingdoms is conferred by a holy anointing and is connected to the Faith of the Seven.

•Men who follow the religion of the First Men, or Weirwood worship, are excluded from the order, usually by choice.

•There are a few exceptions in the books, including Northern Knight Jorah Mormont, but in the books it's rare to find a Northern-born Knight at Winterfell or anywhere else.

4. Brienne travels Westeros in search of a Stark, any Stark really, and ends up fighting a psychotic clown, meeting Gendry, and having half her face bitten off and eaten by a dude.

HBO / Via rebloggy.com

•The clown is a former member of the Brave Companions, basically a Westerosi terrorist group that was cut from the show. In the books, it is these men who cut Jaime Lannister's hand off.

•She is badly injured in a fight with another one of the Companions (this is the face-bitey fight) but Gendry saves her life.

•She also runs into Hyle Hunt, a knight from her past, who once made a bet that he could take Brienne's virginity. He did not succeed.

5. Sam conspires to make the men of the Knight's Watch vote for Jon Snow as Lord Commander.

HBO / Via thedailytouch.com

•Through some verbal trickery (read: LIES), Sam convinces two feuding candidates for the lordship to give up their campaigns and support Jon Snow.

•He also may or may not have trained a talking raven to hide inside the voting box (a cauldron) and spring out shrieking "SNOW SNOW SNOW" just in time for the election, causing some of the Brotherhood to take it as a divine sign of Jon's leadership.

•Fuck yeah, Sam Tarly.

6. Bronn gets married and names his wife's firstborn son after Tyrion.

HBO / Via flashbackbackslide.com

•Bronn's wife is the same as the show, Lollys Stokeworth.

•Lollys was pregnant at the time of their marriage after she was sexually assaulted in the riot at King's Landing (the one where the Hound saved Sansa from a similar fate).

•Even though the son is not biologically Bronn's, he got to name him, and little Tyrion Tanner was christened.

•"Tanner" is the boy's bastard name, a rare one in the Seven Kingdoms, because he was likely –ugh– conceived behind a tanner's shop.

7. One of Daenery's bodyguards literally takes a shit outside the walls of Meereen to warn the masters inside that this Kahleesi doesn't give a fuck.

HBO / Via hellogiggles.com

•Strong Belwas came as a package deal with "Arstan Whitebeard," who was later revealed as Ser Barristan Selmy, former commander of the Kingsguard.

•He also saved Dany's life in the fighting pits by eating all of the honeyed locusts in her private viewing box. They turned out to be poisoned.

•Belwas is also notable for having a belly covered in scars, because he allows every man he fights to cut him once before annihilating them. His belly is his body count.

8. Sansa helps Petyr Baelish keep his power in the Vale and becomes the acting Lady of the Eyrie.

HBO / Via vanityfair.com

•She begins to learn how to really play the game of thrones and anticipates Petyr's powerplay moves with the Lords of the Vale.

•Their current scheme is to have Sansa engaged to Harold Hardyng, who is the heir to the Vale after Robert Arryn (called Robin in the show).

•Oh, and she's kind of helping Petyr slowly murder Robert Arryn with narcotics under the guise of treating his epilepsy.

9. Xaro Xoan Daxos comes to visit Daenerys in Meereen, and tries to give her enough ships to conquer Westeros on the condition that she leave Slaver's Bay alone.

HBO / Via fanpop.com

•Dany is like "nah."

•He also attempts to seduce her, but it's clear in the books that Xaro is 100% gay.

10. Catelyn Stark's body is thrown in a river after the Red Wedding, but Arya Stark's direwolf Nymeria discovers her and brings her to dry land. Beric Dondarrion, the "immortal" knight who fought The Hound, finds her and brings her back to life.

HBO / Via college.usatoday.com

•Catelyn, now known as Lady Stoneheart, takes over the Brotherhood Without Banners (remember when they sold Gendry to Melisandre in the show?) and sets a new goal for them: FIND AND KILL AS MANY FREYS AS POSSIBLE.

•She encounters Brienne and holds a farcical trial for her, thinking that Brienne betrayed the Stark daughters to the Lannisters.

•She sentences Brienne and Podrick Payne to death, but whether or not the execution is completed is left unanswered.

11. Davos Seaworth travels to White Harbor, a Northern town, and is captured by House Manderly. They help him fake his death to appease Queen Cersei/The Boltons and come out as Stark loyalists.

HBO / Via forum.bioware.com

•They fake his death by executing another man and cutting that man's fingers off so the corpse resembles Davos.

•Wyman Manderly, the Lord of House Manderly, tells Davos that Rickon Stark is still alive and sends him on a quest to find the lost Stark heir.

•He reveals that Rickon Stark is likely on Skagos, an island best known for its population of free-roaming unicorns and also is home to human cannibals.

12. Wyman Manderly also very likely kills three Frey men and bakes them into giant meat pies, which he then feeds to the Freys and Boltons at Ramsey Bolton's wedding.

HBO / Via archive.4plebs.org

•This is not a 100% confirmed fact from the books but it is HEAVILY insinuated and awesome.

•Wyman also eats several servings of the pies himself and absolutely loves it.

•Wyman Manderly is terrifying and wonderful.

Arienne Martell, Princess of Dorne and daughter of Doran Martell, plotted to crown Princess Myrcella as queen of the Seven Kingdoms. A previous version of this post stated that it was the Sand Snakes, illegitimate daughters of Oberyn Martell, who hatched this scheme. The author is sentenced to three months in the gaol tower at Sunspear.

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