Can You Pick The Right Roommate?
Amir is in med school, and he's always trying to diagnose you with all of these horrible diseases. You've started to suppress all of your coughs and yawns in case he comes up to you and asks to get a look at your tonsils. You guys aren't even that close of friends. It's a little weird.
Sarah has a lot of friends. They're always coming over weirdly late and they only stay for a few minutes before dipping out. Your buzzer rings at all hours of the night, and, come to think of it, you don't really see the same people come by all that often. Some of them seem to be on a schedu— OH. Oh wow. Yeah, Sarah sells drugs.
Kousuke hasn't paid rent in five months. You're taking him to court and it's going to get messy.
Claire is fine. She's not the problem. It's her girlfriend who's the problem. You don't know on what fiery hell-planet Claire found Abby, but you wish she'd put her back. She's loud, she's a snob, she's controlling, and one time you caught her spilling nail polish on YOUR couch. She didn't even clean it up. Eff you, Abby.
Gautam straight up doesn't do his dishes. They'll sit there for literal weeks if you don't do them, and what are you — his maid? You most certainly are not.
Linda wanted to throw an end-of-summer barbecue party on the roof, and even went as far as offering to cook all of the meat. Sounds great, except the meat is Norbert, the mini-pig you thought she was keeping as a pet all this time. RIP Norbert.
Muriel had a room open in her beautiful, rent-stabilized apartment and you thought it would be really chill to live with an older person, but you didn't anticipate the parrots. She has so many of them. The parrots are loud and numerous and they sound like you. After a while, you can't even tell which thoughts are yours anymore.
Andy seemed OK until you got up late at night to get a drink of water and found him peeing in your houseplants. Who does that?
Carlos is the IDEAL roommate. He always washes the dishes when he's done with them, lets you know in advance if he's having company over, and never tries to move any of your furniture while you're away from the apartment. He has an Amazon Prime account that he lets you use whenever you want, and occasionally he gets in a mood where he just straight up bakes cookies so the apartment smells like heaven. Never let go of Carlos.