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    Liam Payne Opened Up About His Mental Health Struggles While In One Direction And It's Really Sad

    "I was worried how far my rock bottom was going to be."

    Liam Payne may have been one of the most famous people in the world while touring the globe with One Direction, but internally, he was struggling — and nobody knew.

    Liam smiles while posing with the other members of One Direction
    Christopher Polk / Via Getty Images

    The musician says that at the peak of the band's fame, he found himself an "angry person" in a "toxic" situation, turning to "pills and booze" to deal with dark thoughts.

    Liam looks serious while performing
    Brian Killian / WireImage / Via Getty Images

    "I was worried how far my rock bottom was going to be. Where's rock bottom for me? And you would never have seen it. I'm very good at hiding it. No one would ever have seen it," Liam said on The Diary of a CEO podcast.

    When asked if things had gotten so bad that he experienced "moments of suicidal ideation," he acknowledged that they had.

    Liam looks sad while singing
    Jeff Kravitz / Getty Images

    "Yeah. There is some stuff that I’ve definitely never spoken about to do with it. It was really, really, really severe. It was a problem," Liam shared.

    He explained that part of his issues stemmed from the need to protect the band from unsafe situations, which meant they were stuck in their hotel rooms a lot of the time.

    Liam doesn't smile while posing with the rest of the band
    Karwai Tang / WireImage / Via Getty Images

    "As a teen, the one thing you need is freedom to make choices and freedom to do stuff. We were always locked into a room at night," Liam said. 

    "The problem was, in the band...the best way to secure us, because of how big we’d got, was just to lock us in our rooms. What’s in the room? A minibar. So at a certain point, I just thought, Well, I'm going to have a party for one, and that just seemed to carry on throughout many years of my life," Liam explained.

    Liam puts his hands in the air while performing
    NBC / NBCU Photo Bank / NBCUniversal via Getty Images

    He continued, "And then you look back at how long you've been drinking, and it's, Jesus Christ, that's a long time, even for someone who was as young as I was. It was wild, but it was the only way you could get the frustration out in the day."

    Liam wears a suit and looks serious onstage
    Stefania D'alessandro / Getty Images

    Liam says he was finally able to reflect on what was going on in his life and realized he needed to "fix [himself].”

    Liam shows a small smile while backstage
    Neil Mockford / GC Images / Via Getty Images

    "There were a few pictures of me on a boat, and I was all bloated out, and I call it my pills-and-booze face. My face was 10 times bigger than it is now. I just didn't like myself very much, and then I made a change," he said.

    Thankfully, Liam has been able to make positive changes with the help of therapy and treatment, like at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, and hopes that others in similar situations can also find help.

    "I was a kid, a child, when this all happened to me, and I'm very fortunate to still be here," he concluded.

    Hear all that Liam had to say during the podcast below:

    View this video on YouTube

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    The ​National Suicide Prevention Lifeline ​is 1-800-273-8255. Other international suicide helplines can be found at ​​. ​The Trevor Project,​ which provides help and suicide-prevention resources for LGBTQ youth, is 1-866-488-7386. You can also text TALK to 741741 for free, anonymous 24/7 crisis support in the US and UK from the ​Crisis Text Line. Find other international suicide helplines at Befrienders Worldwide (