Ireland Baldwin is getting extremely candid about her pregnancy journey — and it sounds like it's been really difficult.
In December, Ireland announced that she and her boyfriend André Allen Anjos (aka RAC) are expecting their first child.
While she says she's more than thrilled to be a mom, she admits that she "underestimated" how hard being pregnant can be.
"Pregnancy is hard. It takes so much out of you. I wasn’t ready for that...I underestimated just how hard pregnancy would be on my mind and my body," Ireland wrote.
She continued, "Bodily sensations. Pains and aches. Organs going to shit randomly. I know everyone has an entirely different experience and mine is easy compared to most, but fuck it’s a struggle."
On top of that, Ireland says being pregnant turned her "extreme health anxiety" into high gear, and she's struggled to adapt to all the changes she's facing.
"It’s so hard to have so much pressure on yourself. Forget the physical aspect… I feel like my brain and thoughts are going to war every single day. Mental warfare," Ireland shared.
While people are telling her to enjoy her pregnancy, she says she's "exhausted," "unmotivated" and feels like "life is passing by and [her] career hasn’t even begun."
“When people expect you to be glowing and angelic and in a constant state of bliss. It’s unrealistic sometimes," she said. "I’m a goblin. A bridge troll. A curmudgeon. The glow is my skincare routine. It couldn’t be the vomiting 6x a day."
Ireland also noted that it's hard to see friends living their lives while she feels so alone and far away from the family she cares about.
While she says her boyfriend has been a huge support, she admits she still struggles, especially as she watches friends "fade away" and realizes she was "nothing to them but a drinking buddy and a good time."
"It’s hard making new friends at 27 years old. It’s hard keeping old ones close when they’re so far away," she said. "It’s hard when your closest friends have their own shit going on and you don’t know when’s a good time to emotionally dump on them. This shit is hard."
Through it all, Ireland says it's all worth it because she gets to have her little girl at the end of the experience.
"Even through all of this, none of this reflects on how excited I am to be her mom," she wrote. "My career isn’t going anywhere and if it is, fuck it. The friends that mattered most will be there and you’ll have room for new friendships."
"All of this is still worth it but it’s ok to admit how hard and scary it all can be. You are not alone," Ireland concluded.
You can read all that Ireland had to say below.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
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