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What Should Your 2016 Name Be?

New year, new name.

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  1. Eagle
    Eagle
    Gorilla
    Gorilla
    Koala
    Koala
    Dolphin
    Dolphin
    Black panther
    Black panther
    Stag
    Stag
    Cat
    Cat
    White tiger
    White tiger
    Hedgehog
    Via Thinkstock
    Hedgehog
    Via Thinkstock
  2. <i>Downton Abbey</i>
    Via ITV
    Downton Abbey
    Via ITV
    <i>Sherlock</i>
    Via BBC
    Sherlock
    Via BBC
    <i>Jessica Jones</i>
    Via Marvel Television
    Jessica Jones
    Via Marvel Television
    <i>Breaking Bad</i>
    Via High Bridge Entertainment
    Breaking Bad
    Via High Bridge Entertainment
    <i>Game of Thrones</i>
    Via HBO
    Game of Thrones
    Via HBO
    <i>Master of None</i>
    Via Alan Yang Pictures
    Master of None
    Via Alan Yang Pictures
    <i>Parks and Recreation</i>
    Via Deedle-Dee Productions
    Parks and Recreation
    Via Deedle-Dee Productions
    <i>Friends</i>
    Via Warner Bros
    Friends
    Via Warner Bros
    <i>30 Rock</i>
    Via Broadway Video
    30 Rock
    Via Broadway Video
  3. Blowing smoke rings
    Via thestonerscookbook.com
    Blowing smoke rings
    Being super flexible
    Via gmb.io
    Being super flexible
    Via gmb.io
    Making up perfect excuses
    Via spiritualriver.com
    Making up perfect excuses
    Bass guitar
    Via lindoguitars.com
    Bass guitar
    Cocktail making
    Via uclu.org
    Cocktail making
    Via uclu.org

What Should Your 2016 Name Be?

You got: Phoenix

You are going to be reborn in 2016 – you'll shed your old life and start afresh, at least 300% more awesome, and this means you're going to need a suitable name. You'll be like Drake or Cher – you don't need a surname any more, you're too good for that. From now on, you are simply "Phoenix".

Phoenix
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You got: Human #6124874302

Life was all a bit much in 2015 – it was hard and busy and always so stressful, so in 2016, it's time to slip into the background. You'll ditch your name and just go by a number. You'll have sweet anonymity, which means you can basically get away with shirking all your responsibilities and sleeping all year instead.

Human #6124874302
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You got: Me

You don't need a name – 2016 is the year you decide that you are just you. It'll be extremely confusing to everyone else when they ask your name and you reply with "me", but trendsetters are confusing sometimes.

Me
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You got: Parker Kendall-Smith

In 2016, you are going to reinvent yourself as a posh British person. You will start talking in a super-smooth English accent and maybe even wear a monocle if you feel in the mood. You will spend your days hunting pheasant and getting expensive manicures, because you're worth it, darling.

Parker Kendall-Smith
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You got: Adele Drake

2016 is going to be the year you get famous, so it's only right you have a name to match. What better way to do that than by stealing two of the biggest stars of 2015's names and claiming them for your own?

Adele Drake
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You got: Alexis Silverback

2016 is your year. You are going to own it, you are going to be a total badass, and you are going to need a badass name to match. No one messes with Alexis Silverback. Alexis Silverback always gets what they want, because Alexis Silverback is you.

Alexis Silverback
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You got: Jet Black

2016 will be the year you embrace your dark side – you will become cool, sexy, and mysterious, and you will need a name to match. You might have to get an all-new wardrobe to match your new identity, but that's fine, because black is the new black.

Jet Black
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You got: Cecil Hufflebottom

You are finally going to truly embrace your inner old person in 2016, and what better way to start doing that than by changing your name? You'll get a cat, stop going out as much, spend your days watching quiz shows and murder mystery dramas, and be in bed with a hot water bottle by 9pm. Bliss.

Cecil Hufflebottom
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You got: Oreo

2016 is going to be the year you give up on trying to be a normal, functioning human, and decide to just become a cat instead. Cats just get to fuck about and sleep whenever and wherever they want, and that's the life for you. To start your new, relaxed cat life you're going to need a name that fits. Oreo'll do perfectly.

Oreo
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