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17 Things Humanity Ruined In 2015

Everything is completely fucked.

1. Pets

Pets are great – they're like humans except fluffier and cuddlier and you don't have to talk to them. We were very lucky to have pets. And then we ruined them, by putting stupid jewels over their arseholes and making them square.

2. Beards

3. Colours

4. Facebook

5. Penises

6. Wine

Wine. In a can. For men. With some of the worst product blurb you will ever read, signalling the end of humanity.

Wine wasn't manly enough, apparently, so this year someone decided to put it in a can. A Mancan. A CAN for MEN. THIS IS NOT WINE, THIS IS MAN WINE, FOR MANLY MEN WHO LIKE BREAKING THINGS AND SETTING FIRE TO THEIR HAIR. MAN THINGS!

7. Poetry

8. Hoverboards

9. Fingernails

10. Netflix

11. Drinking

12. Wanking

13. Sex

This book is the worst. I'm so sorry. #Grey

Fifty Shades was bad enough, but then E.L. James released Grey and murdered the concept of sex in cold blood with her bare hands. It's over. No more sex ever again. E.L. James has managed to destroy the human race.

14. Satire

15. Burritos

16. Condoms

Condoms are really useful for things like not getting pregnant and making sure you don't catch STIs. Sadly in 2015 we decided to ruin them, so enjoy your gonnorhoea.

17. Our own faces

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