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21 Steps To A Rich And Successful Life, As Told By "The Sims"

Finally, a guide to life that actually makes sense!

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1. To be successful, you're obviously going to need to dress to impress at work.

Display your ruthless attitude and intent to rise to the very top by dressing yourself head to toe in another man's skin.
simsgonewrong.tumblr.com

Display your ruthless attitude and intent to rise to the very top by dressing yourself head to toe in another man's skin.

2. You're also going to need a perfect home – one that simply oozes wealth and class.

You'll want it to stand out from all the other houses on your street.
pcgamer.com

You'll want it to stand out from all the other houses on your street.

3. But be warned, grand homes often attract burglars.

Scare them away by licking our their ass while they're trying to steal your kitchen utensils.
youpy38.rssing.com

Scare them away by licking our their ass while they're trying to steal your kitchen utensils.

4. You're going to want to find yourself a husband or wife.

Initiate the flirting process by finding someone you fancy and screaming loudly at their boobs.
simsgonewrong.tumblr.com

Initiate the flirting process by finding someone you fancy and screaming loudly at their boobs.

5. After that, it won't be long until the two of you get down to business.

Make sure you perform to the best of your ability by hiring a lady in a suit to sit in a chair and shout words like "power" and "synergy" at you from the corner of the room.
simsgonewrong.tumblr.com

Make sure you perform to the best of your ability by hiring a lady in a suit to sit in a chair and shout words like "power" and "synergy" at you from the corner of the room.

6. Once you're certain you are in love, it's vital that you get the proposal right.

To be certain of getting a yes, do it at your ex's gym while she's working on her pectorals.
the-sims-4.com

To be certain of getting a yes, do it at your ex's gym while she's working on her pectorals.

7. Before you know it you'll have a baby on the way.

Babies are very delicate, so make sure you keep it safe and protected at all times.
simsgonewrong.tumblr.com

Babies are very delicate, so make sure you keep it safe and protected at all times.

8. You'll need to learn how to instil discipline in your young child.

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The best way to do this is to drop it into your fish tank and wag your finger menacingly at it if it threatens to drown.

9. But if even that fails, you can just bury it under some snow.

Problem solved!
simsgonewrong.tumblr.com

Problem solved!

10. Make sure you're well known among the right circles.

Head out to your town's most fashionable establishment at least once per week, and be sure to dress for the occasion.
simsgonewrong.tumblr.com

Head out to your town's most fashionable establishment at least once per week, and be sure to dress for the occasion.

11. And throw elaborate dinner parties for the most elite couples in your area.

Behind every successful and talented person is an equally successful and talented group of friends. Find yours by inviting a bunch of people with posh names to your house, then setting fire to them and staring manically into the distance.
simsgonewrong.tumblr.com

Behind every successful and talented person is an equally successful and talented group of friends. Find yours by inviting a bunch of people with posh names to your house, then setting fire to them and staring manically into the distance.

12. Every true lady or gentleman knows how to ride a horse.

Make sure you learn how to do it with both elegance and grace.
thefucomics.com

Make sure you learn how to do it with both elegance and grace.

13. But you can't ride your horse all the time, so be sure to buy yourself a flashy car too.

It'll really turn heads as you cruise down the high street!
papermag.com

It'll really turn heads as you cruise down the high street!

14. Bodily grooming is important, but can also be very time-consuming. Save precious minutes by only waxing the really important bits.

This guy knows exactly how it's done.
imgur.com

This guy knows exactly how it's done.

15. A clean house is just as important as a clean body. Most people don't know this, but you can actually achieve both at the same time.

Genius!

16. Recycling is boring, but important if you want to be viewed as a respectable citizen.

Make the chore more bearable by hiring a man to dance topless on your counter while you sort through your rubbish.
imgur.com

Make the chore more bearable by hiring a man to dance topless on your counter while you sort through your rubbish.

17. Get a pet!

Pets are adorable and are sure to make a great playing companion for the child you are far too busy to pay any attention to.
simsgonewrong.tumblr.com

Pets are adorable and are sure to make a great playing companion for the child you are far too busy to pay any attention to.

18. In fact, get loads of them.

simsgonewrong.tumblr.com

You can never have too many dogs!

19. Everyone knows you can't be successful if you look like shit, so you must work out daily.

Make sure you train every last bit of that body.
simsgonewrong.tumblr.com

Make sure you train every last bit of that body.

20. You will also need to appear smart and knowledgable. Consider this carefully when planning your meals, because remember, you are what you eat.

Bonus: books are also known to be an excellent source of fibre!
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Bonus: books are also known to be an excellent source of fibre!

21. And finally, when death eventually comes for you, make sure you embrace it gracefully.

An embarrassing death is so not chic.
imgur.com

An embarrassing death is so not chic.