1. The Plastics would not have worn pink on Wednesdays, because they would have been sent home for not being in uniform.
2. They probably would have rebelled by just wearing pink socks or something.
3. But eventually they would have got in trouble for that too, so just resorted to wearing pink underwear under their definitely not-fetch skirts and sweatshirts.
4. Sex education would have been less about “getting pregnant and dying” and more about putting condoms on bananas.
5. Instead of joining Mathletes, Cady would have done the Maths Challenge, and it would have been horrible.
6. Talking of Cady, she would have been called Katy, because no one is really called Cady here.
7. And Gretchen, Karen, and Regina would have been called Chloe, Amy, and Jessica.
8. Aaron Samuels would have been called Tom, and he would have been captain of the football team.
9. There’s no way sexy Santa outfits would have been allowed at the winter talent show – it would have just been a bunch of year 3 kids playing the recorder.
10. Taco Bell isn't really a thing in Britain, so they would have had to find an alternative.
11. If she was British, Regina’s mum would DEFINITELY have never offered her a condom.
12. But instead of giving Cady a mocktail, Mrs George would have given her a can of Strongbow.
13. Gretchen would have got diarrhoea in Waterstones, not Barnes & Noble.
14. It wouldn't just have been Kälteen Bars that made Regina gain weight.
15. The Burn Book? It would have just been people's faces with dicks drawn on them.
16. Even as one of the cool kids, Regina would not have driven a silver Lexus. At best, she might have had a secondhand Golf.
17. Cady would have heard the word “grool” every single day of her life until she finally escaped to university.
18. Ms Norbury still wouldn't have been a drug dealer, but there would have been another dodgy teacher who probably was.
19. Regina would have asked her biology teacher if butter was a carb, and then the class would have made sure an entire lesson was wasted discussing it.
20. They wouldn't have been allowed purses at school, so instead The Plastics would have carried around Jane Norman bags.
21. This quote would have been about a girl who hadn’t rolled her school skirt up above the knee.
22. Principal Duvall would have looked a little different.
23. There's no fucking way Regina would have been allowed to stay at school looking like this.
24. And the film would not have ended with the Spring Fling dance, just a boring end-of-term assembly.
Sigh.