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    19 Questions You Should Never Ask A Man With A Beard

    "Have you always had a beard?" Yep, ever since I was a baby...

    1. Is your face not really itchy all the time?

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    Mate, I passed that stage long ago. This shit just feels good.

    2. Would you look really young if you shaved it off?

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    I would look about six. Let's move on.

    3. Have you always had a beard?

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    Yes, ever since I was a baby. I arrived from my mother's womb with a great big bushy mass of facial hair, and she's hated me for it ever since.

    4. Why is it so ginger?

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    I dunno, why don't you ask science.

    5. Do you remember what your face looks like?

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    To them: "Obviously, it's my face..."

    Secretly: "Nope."

    6. Can I touch it?

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    Well, errrr, it's on my face so I'm gonna say no?

    7. How do you trim it?

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    With a beard trimmer. Next.

    8. How do you get your beard to grow like that? Mine always goes patchy.

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    Oh, I do rigorous nightly face exercises and then cover my face with a homemade lotion I cooked up out of honey, aloe vera and rat blood. That, or I'm just better than you.

    9. Does it not give people a rash when they kiss you?

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    Tell you what, you're never gonna find out.

    10. Can you stick a pencil in it?

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    Maybe, but let me see if I can stick a pencil in your face first.

    11. Don't you get food stuck in it?

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    Yep, it's called pudding.

    12. Do you get jealous when you see someone with a better beard than you?

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    Sorry, I didn't hear you, got to go now, bye...

    13. Do you feel more manly because of it?

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    What does that even mean?

    14. Do you get more sex because of it?

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    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    15. Why aren't your beard and your hair the same colour?

    IGN / Via ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com

    Because I am a magical wizard and I do what I please.

    16. Does your face not get really warm in summer?

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    Nah, not really.

    17. Are you going to shave everything but the moustache for Movember?

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    I'd rather not look like a twat, tbh.

    18. Wouldn't you be better looking if you shaved?

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    I literally could not care less about your terrible opinions. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm busy looking awesome.

    19. So, are you a hipster then?

    manofmany.com

    Fuck off.

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