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19 Questions You Should Never Ask A Man With A Beard

"Have you always had a beard?" Yep, ever since I was a baby...

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3. Have you always had a beard?

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Yes, ever since I was a baby. I arrived from my mother's womb with a great big bushy mass of facial hair, and she's hated me for it ever since.

8. How do you get your beard to grow like that? Mine always goes patchy.

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Oh, I do rigorous nightly face exercises and then cover my face with a homemade lotion I cooked up out of honey, aloe vera and rat blood. That, or I'm just better than you.

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