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    21 Of The Funniest One-Liner Jokes Ever Told

    I like to hold hands at the movies. Which always seems to startle strangers.

    1. British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children.

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    –Jimmy Carr

    2. Standing in the park, I was wondering why a Frisbee gets larger the closer it gets.

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    –Stewart Francis

    3. The pollen count, now that's a difficult job.

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    –Milton Jones

    4. My wife told me: "Sex is better on holiday."

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    –Joe Bor

    5. I once dated a guy so dumb he couldn't count to 21.

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    –Joan Rivers

    6. I could tell my parents hated me.

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    –Rodney Dangerfield

    7. I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner.

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    –Tim Vine

    8. I remember the last thing my nan said to me before she died.

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    –Lee Mack

    9. I have a lot of growing up to do.

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    –Zach Galifianakis

    10. Onions make me sad.

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    –Mitch Hedberg

    11. I'm on a whiskey diet.

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    –Tommy Cooper

    12. Even the word "misogyny" is misogynistic.

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    –Bec Hill

    13. A girl called me the other day and said, "Come over, nobody's home", so I went over.

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    –Rodney Dangerfield

    14. My photographs don't do me justice.

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    –Phyllis Diller

    15. I want to write a mystery novel.

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    –Stewart Francis

    16. As a child I had a medical condition that meant I had to eat soil three times a day.

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    –Milton Jones

    17. Exit signs.

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    –Tim Vine

    18. Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is?

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    –Jimmy Carr

    19. Most of my life is spent avoiding conflict.

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    –Alex Horne

    20. I had an argument with one of the seven dwarfs.

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    –Rebecca Humphries

    21. I've got a girlfriend. I've been going out with her for...

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    –Stewart Francis

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