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43 Very Appropriate Ways To Celebrate Being English

Happy St George's Day! Now go moan at some clouds.

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1. Sighing loudly in the queue for the cash machine.

2. Cheering when a co-worker drops their tea.

3. Being sick out the front of a Wetherspoon's.

4. Making irritated silent gestures at the supermarket self checkout.

5. Complaining about how chilly it is.

6. Complaining about how unseasonably warm it is.

7. Complaining about how mild it is.

8. Getting an awful haircut, then congratulating the hairdresser on their excellent work.

9. Waiting for a train.

10. Hiding from the window cleaner.

11. Thinking about the most embarrassing moments of your teenage years.

12. Saying "bye" at least four times before ending a phone call.

13. Forgetting someone's name at a party and just calling them "mate" all night.

14. Drinking a beer in the airport at 6am.

15. Having the Jaffa Cake debate.

16. Apologising to everyone you see.

17. Apologising to every inanimate object you see.

18. Realising you've walked the wrong way, deliberately looking confused, staring at your phone and then turning around.

19. Explaining the offside rule.

20. Tweeting angrily at Piers Morgan.

21. Tweeting angrily about the Daily Mail.

22. Tweeting angrily at Piers Morgan about his column on the Daily Mail.

23. Going in out in shorts but constantly mentioning how white your legs are.

24. Panicking in social situations.

25. Waving at someone you thought was your friend then trying to style it out by playing with your hair.

26. Drinking Pimm's on a deckchair under some clouds, because it's summer now, OK?

27. Telling everyone you're "fine".

28. Making plans with your friends but cancelling an hour before so you can stay in and watch Netflix in bed.

29. Looking down on people who take sugar in their tea.

30. Having an opinion about Jeremy Clarkson.

31. Staring at the ground and walking very fast when you see someone you know in the street.

32. Saying sorry for not smoking when someone asks you for a lighter.

33. Going on holiday and complaining about all the tourists, while eating fish and chips and drinking a pint of Carling.

34. Not flying the St George's cross because you're scared of looking like a racist.

35. Leaving passive aggressive notes on your refrigerated goods.

36. Getting drunk on warm cider in a park.

37. Silently judging parents whose children cry on public transport.

38. Telling anyone who'll listen that we'll never win the World Cup again.

39. Going to the pub for a "quick one" and somehow waking up in Swindon.

40. Laughing at the funny names in the shipping forecast.

41. Asking someone where they went to school.

42. Saying soldiers should be given footballers' wages.

43. Mocking the idea of being proud of being English.


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