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24 Important Life Lessons You Learned If You Were Born Between 1990 And 1994

Putting gooey aliens back to back does NOT make them reproduce.

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1. Gooey plastic aliens cannot reproduce if you place them back to back.

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Why it was important: It taught us that sex does not work if you are both backwards, but also that it doesn't work at all if you are made out of stretchable plastic and goo.

2. Snakes love eating pixels, but they die if they crash into walls.

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Why it was important: It taught us to care about animal welfare, and also prepared us for the years of staring intently at small screens that will consume us for the rest of our lives.

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4. It is important to keep a good and organised ranking of all of your friends.

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Why it was important: Because the drama of every school day meant that these rankings were constantly changing, and what better way was there to tell Dave he was being a twat than by knocking him down a couple of spots on your MySpace top eight.

5. There are healthier ways to have fun with glue than huffing it.

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Why it was important: Because peeling it off your hands was the most joyful way to spend any art lesson – and didn't risk killing you or ruining your kidneys.

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10. The best way to get ahead is by cheating.

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Why it was important: Because people don't just give you the good things in life, you have to surf up and down the edge of Cinnabar Island looking for them.

11. If you sign in and out enough times, your crush will eventually notice you.

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Why it was important: Because the internet has made us all incapable of speaking to people in real life, so flirting online is basically the only option.

12. Advertising is just a bunch of lies.

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Why it was important: It taught us not to be swept up by consumerism, always buying fancy new gadgets as soon as they come out. Like the new iPhone, for example. 😐

13. How to run down a track with your leg tied to another child's leg.

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Why it was important: It made your parents proud of you, and then they would maybe buy you an ice cream.

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17. How to run backwards and forwards across a sports hall until you either gave up, passed out, or were sick on your own shoes.

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Why it was important: Because judging children against each other in every aspect of their abilities, mental and physical, is obviously an extremely good and not at all unhelpful thing to do.

18. Disappointment is sometimes inevitable.

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Why it was important: Because this will be true for your entire life, or at least as long as people keep making drinks containers out of foil.

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20. Scaring yourself shitless before going to sleep is generally a bad idea.

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Why it was important: Because teenagers are advised to get at least nine hours of sleep a night, and that is difficult when you think you might be killed by a monster.

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