1. The sound of birds chirping is NOT how you want to wake up.
2. And you don’t handle exhaustion well.
You need your beauty rest.
3. Your mom is nice to you and acknowledges your existence.
4. When you’re home, you don’t do many chores.
5. You don’t have an encouraging fairy godmother.
6. But your actual godmother sent you $50 for your birthday.
7. Pumpkins aren’t your primary mode of transportation.
8. You wish you could get ready like this.
9. And make a graceful entrance.
10. Instead of, well…
11. You don’t own a pair of glass slippers.
12. These don’t count.
If you own these, please throw them away.
13. When you go to an event, you don’t dance like this.
14. But more like this.
15. When you meet a guy you like, he won’t be a prince.
16. But at least he’ll have a real name.
Prince Charming. Not a name.
17. When you lose your shoe, it’s not actually cute.
18. And NO ONE will ever make an effort to return it to you.
19. Oh yeah, and you are not a princess.
20. But you have your own definition of living happily ever after.
- An airplane carrying Republican VP candidate Mike Pence skidded off the runway at New York City's LaGuardia airport. No one was injured.
- A federal jury cleared the leaders of an Oregon standoff. The militia group took over a wildlife refuge last January.
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