Do You Know All 12 Gifts From The 12 Days Of Christmas?
Christmas is just not you're thing. That's cool. Maybe you're Jewish. Maybe you're Muslim. Or maybe you just don't have the time to remember every damn bird this fucker sent to his true love. No harm, no foul. Keep on knocking back those eggnogs and rocking that ugly nondenominational sweater. Or don’t. That’s cool too.
Even though you may be like really into Christmas, it seems as though Aunt Clara has sent you one too many pink bunny costumes. You’re down with the whole good cheer and joy to the world crap, but when it comes to actual details of the day, you’ll let somebody else sweat over that. You have too much food and far too much alcohol to worry about some stupid swans, turtle doves, or partridges (what the fuck even is that?) and their pear trees.
Woah. Very impressive. You’re like the love child of Buddy the Elf and Clark Griswold. You throw up candy canes and sugar plums. I bet every time you see a fat white guy with a beard hair you pee (just a little) from excitement. If you could, you would spend the whole year picking out the perfect Christmas tree. You’re ideal day would be making snow angels, ice skating, making Santa cookies, eating Santa’s cookies, feeling guilty for eating Santa’s cookies, eat the rest of the cookie dough because you’re feeling guilty, go to the store to get more cookie dough….etc., listen to Christmas carols, and sing along WORD FOR WORD.