1. Some of us are just not good at NOT being on a couch in an air-conditioned room.
2. Many "fun" summer activities are essentially death traps.
3. A Slip 'n Slide, for instance, is a dirty tarp that wants to maim you.
4. The summer sun is a giant ball of death.
5. If you have to use special products to protect skin from the outdoors, maybe it means humans weren't MEANT to be outdoors!
6. You can't be murdered by an angry sea if you never go to the beach.
7. Do you know a good place to walk around and not get sand in your shoes, clothes, and soul? Inside.
8. And the ocean is essentially a giant toilet for whales.
9. Compare that to indoors, where couches and pillows live.
10. The outdoors during summer are wild and unpredictable and full of wet, hissing things.
11. Summer is basically the time for bugs to make out and also eat you.
They're horny and they're hungry.