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17 Things Procrastinators Know To Be True On Christmas

I'll write something here later.

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1. You don't even want to think about all the presents you need to buy.

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So you... just... don't! PROBLEM SOLVED.

(For now.)

2. You know that the longer you wait, the more expensive plane tickets home will be. And that stresses you out. So you wait even more.

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I mean. You're busy! All these Christmas movies aren't just going to watch themselves.

3. You put off buying your Christmas tree so long that you end up with one that's basically just a branch.

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4. ... And then you don't throw it away until, oh. Valentine's Day.

5. You realize it's now December and you still haven't bought presents.

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But there's still time! Kind of.

6. On the plus side, the advantage to never having taken down your Christmas lights is that you never have to put them back up.

~life hack~

7. OK, it's the week before Christmas and you still haven't bought presents.

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You're beginning to panic. But not enough to actually buy presents.

8. When you finally go out to buy eggnog, the only one left in the store is some weird soy variety.

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(Unless you live in Los Angeles. In which case, that's the first kind to run out.)

9. When you finally sit down to buy presents online, you realize that it's too late for them to ship in time.

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Also, everything is sold out. Perfect.

10. You ball up into the fetal position realizing you'll have to go to the mall. During Christmas season.

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Noooooo.

11. You wonder if maybe you could just count a performance as a present.

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An interpretive dance! People like those, right?

12. OK IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T BOUGHT PRESENTS.

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You briefly consider just stuffing your own belongings in recycled gift bags and handing those out.

13. You've gotten really into saying that "consumerism is ruining Christmas."

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But we both know you're mostly just scared because you haven't bought anything yet.

14. Most of your time at the mall is spent running in circles and panicking.

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TOO MANY STORES. TOO MANY PEOPLE. NOT ENOUGH TIME. NEVER ENOUGH TIME.

15. Also, of course you haven't packed anything for your flight.

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So you end up just packing a toothbrush, 17 socks, and a Halloween costume from 2009.

16. And after spending an insane amount on plane tickets, you neglected to figure out how you're actually getting TO the airport.

... running? Fast?

17. Also, everyone on your list is getting gum.

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Unwrapped. Because who has the time?

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