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20 Things All Lazy Goths Know To Be True


1. Wearing dark lipstick requires dedication, effort, and eventually giving up and looking like a sad clown caught in the rain.

2. You can never own too many pairs of black pants with elastic waistbands to wear while eating chips on the couch.

3. The fact that The Craft is available on Netflix means you are currently in a relationship with watching The Craft on Netflix.

4. You admire Pastel Goths for putting forth the effort to find something that matches with black other than "also black."

5. Half your texts are just the poop emoji plus five skull emojis.

6. You'll swear that chipped black nail polish is exactly the look you were going for.

7. You could take time to dye your hair black OR you can just post lots of images of raven-haired people to Pinterest.

8. Honestly, just looking at Dita Von Teese makes you tired.

9. Instead of changing out of your pajamas, you take a look at what people on Tumblr are wearing.

10. Halloween is your favorite day of the year! To flake on plans.

11. "I'm a vampire, sorry" is a perfectly viable excuse for staying in bed until 4 p.m.

12. The idea of a "Health Goth" is more frightening and absurd that most Lovecraftian horrors.

13. Honestly, 9 times out of 10, staying home and reading scary stories online IS actually more fun than hanging out with people.

14. You are definitely hiding frightening, unspeakable things in your bedroom.

15. If people ask about your hairstyle, you tell them it took hours to get this way (not).

16. Whenever you are forced into trying new activities, you quoth the raven.

17. The idea of living out your days in a sepulcher is very appealing.

18. You know you should wipe off your makeup before bed, but you also know you never will.

Bonus kitten:

19. You know that love is the most exquisite pain, worth every ache... But it means having to actually interact with people.

20. ...Ditto most social interaction, really.

Ok, this is exhausting. Bye.