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14 Care Bears All Thirtysomethings Need

CARE BEAR STARING OFF INTO THE HORIZON WONDERING WHAT A ROTH IRA IS.

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1. Business Casual Bear

Why you need him: Biz Casj Bear won't let you show up at a work party or networking event looking like a fool, and also won't let you say "Biz Casj" out loud. In fact, this bear is the only living being who knows what "business casual" actually means.
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Why you need him: Biz Casj Bear won't let you show up at a work party or networking event looking like a fool, and also won't let you say "Biz Casj" out loud. In fact, this bear is the only living being who knows what "business casual" actually means.

2. Hangover Bear

Why you need her: Hangover Bear will bring you an egg and cheese on a roll and gently stroke your hair while deleting everything you rage-tweeted at Kim Kardashian last night.
Alex Alvarez / BuzzFeed / Via Those Characters from Cleveland / American Greetings and Thinkstock

Why you need her: Hangover Bear will bring you an egg and cheese on a roll and gently stroke your hair while deleting everything you rage-tweeted at Kim Kardashian last night.

3. Block Bear

Why you need him: The older you get, the more people will annoy you on social media. So when you finally tire of seeing the girl who pooped in the gym back in third grade's creepy sonogram pictures, just summon your friend Block Bear.
Alex Alvarez / BuzzFeed / Via Those Characters from Cleveland / American Greetings and Thinkstock

Why you need him: The older you get, the more people will annoy you on social media. So when you finally tire of seeing the girl who pooped in the gym back in third grade's creepy sonogram pictures, just summon your friend Block Bear.

4. Antacid Bear

Why you need her: It's adorable that you think you can still eat an entire meatball sub and five garlic knots at eleven o'clock at night and not feel like a butt. Luckily, Antacid Bear is here to help quell your sad, sad bodily malfunctions.
Alex Alvarez / BuzzFeed / Via Those Characters from Cleveland / American Greetings and Tums.com

Why you need her: It's adorable that you think you can still eat an entire meatball sub and five garlic knots at eleven o'clock at night and not feel like a butt. Luckily, Antacid Bear is here to help quell your sad, sad bodily malfunctions.

5. Tinder Bear

Why you need him: Tinder Bear helpfully lets you know when that nice, good-looking dude is actually a serial killer or when that nice, good-looking lady is actually also a serial killer. And if it looks like Tinder Bear's insides are plagued by a sort of burning sensation, that's intentional.
Alex Alvarez / BuzzFeed / Via Those Characters from Cleveland / American Greetings / Tinder

Why you need him: Tinder Bear helpfully lets you know when that nice, good-looking dude is actually a serial killer or when that nice, good-looking lady is actually also a serial killer. And if it looks like Tinder Bear's insides are plagued by a sort of burning sensation, that's intentional.

6. Where Is My Phone I Swear I Just Had It Bear

Why you need her: You finally have someone you WANT calling you and now your phone is ringing faintly but you have NO IDEA WHERE IT IS. Luckily, Where Is My Phone I Swear I Just Had It Bear knows that you were sitting on your phone this whole time. It's OK.
Alex Alvarez / BuzzFeed / Via Those Characters from Cleveland / American Greetings and Thinkstock

Why you need her: You finally have someone you WANT calling you and now your phone is ringing faintly but you have NO IDEA WHERE IT IS. Luckily, Where Is My Phone I Swear I Just Had It Bear knows that you were sitting on your phone this whole time. It's OK.

7. Netflix Bear

Why you need her: Say hello to your life partner. Netflix Bear will even let you borrow her HBO Go password if you promise not to share it.
Alex Alvarez / BuzzFeed / Via Those Characters from Cleveland / American Greetings / Netflix

Why you need her: Say hello to your life partner. Netflix Bear will even let you borrow her HBO Go password if you promise not to share it.

8. The Dream of Home Ownership Is Dead Bear

Why you need him: Just give The Dream of Home Ownership Is Dead Bear a big hug and don't think about how you will likely never be more financially stable than your parents were at your age and will likely live in an apartment with eleventy-five roommates forever. Be warmed by the flames burning all your dreams.
Alex Alvarez / BuzzFeed / Via Those Characters from Cleveland / American Greetings and Thinkstock

Why you need him: Just give The Dream of Home Ownership Is Dead Bear a big hug and don't think about how you will likely never be more financially stable than your parents were at your age and will likely live in an apartment with eleventy-five roommates forever. Be warmed by the flames burning all your dreams.

9. Paralyzing Fear of the Future Bear

Why you need her: Do you have a retirement plan. Did you make a dental appointment. Does that headache mean you are dying. When was the last time you washed your sheets. Why did you eat that was it even food. Hold tight to Paralyzing Fear of the Future Bear until you get your life together.
Alex Alvarez / BuzzFeed / Via Those Creatures from Cleveland / American Greetings and Thinkstock

Why you need her: Do you have a retirement plan. Did you make a dental appointment. Does that headache mean you are dying. When was the last time you washed your sheets. Why did you eat that was it even food. Hold tight to Paralyzing Fear of the Future Bear until you get your life together.

10. Roth IRA Bear

Why you need him: Roth IRA Bear will patiently explain what a Roth IRA is for the fourth time in a row as you pretend to understand and then quietly weep in frustration.
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Why you need him: Roth IRA Bear will patiently explain what a Roth IRA is for the fourth time in a row as you pretend to understand and then quietly weep in frustration.

11. Kale Bear

Why you need her: Keep your increasingly brittle bones and slowly dying internal organs from crumbling apart by eating healthy foods. Kale Bear knows a great recipe for Parmesan kale chips she can share.
Alex Alvarez / BuzzFeed / Via Those Characters from Cleveland / American Greetings and Thinkstock

Why you need her: Keep your increasingly brittle bones and slowly dying internal organs from crumbling apart by eating healthy foods. Kale Bear knows a great recipe for Parmesan kale chips she can share.

12. Pinteresting Bear

Why you need him: The older you get, the more likely you are to want to "nest." Sometimes that means buying adult furniture, and sometimes that means pinning pretty pictures of cake pops from one place on the internet to another while sitting on a broken Ikea futon. But Pinteresting Bear will like all your pictures, no matter what.
Alex Alvarez / BuzzFeed / Via Those Characters from Cleveland / American Greetings and Thinkstock

Why you need him: The older you get, the more likely you are to want to "nest." Sometimes that means buying adult furniture, and sometimes that means pinning pretty pictures of cake pops from one place on the internet to another while sitting on a broken Ikea futon. But Pinteresting Bear will like all your pictures, no matter what.

13. Bedtime Bear

Why you need her: You either find yourself reading Wikipedia articles about rare diseases until 4 a.m. OR dead asleep on the couch before 6. Either way, Bedtime Bear is there to gently remove your glasses so you don't crush them in your sleep.
Alex Alvarez / BuzzFeed / Via Those Characters from Cleveland / American Greetings and Thinkstock

Why you need her: You either find yourself reading Wikipedia articles about rare diseases until 4 a.m. OR dead asleep on the couch before 6. Either way, Bedtime Bear is there to gently remove your glasses so you don't crush them in your sleep.

14. Nostalgia Bear

Why you need him: Come on, you know why.
Alex Alvarez / BuzzFeed / Via Those Characters from Cleveland / American Greetings

Why you need him: Come on, you know why.

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