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74 Thoughts Brides Who Are Bad At Wedding Planning Have

I do... believe I'll take a nap right now.

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1. I'm engaged!

2. Oh god. I'm engaged.

3. This means a wedding.

4. Which means wedding PLANNING. PLANS! I hate them!

5. Wait, hold up, let me brag about this on Facebook one sec.

6. Teehee.

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7. I don't even know which city to have my wedding in.

8. Everyone lives hundreds of miles away from one another.

9. Can I have my wedding online?

10. A Skype wedding! A skedding.

11. Just, like. DM me your objections.

12. And mail me presents.

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13. Mmmm, presents.

14. OK, for real, a venue. Where is this happening?

15. At a combination Taco Bell/Pizza Hut?

16. Haha!

17. ...But also I'm serious.

18. No, my family would disown me.

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19. OK, I guess I'll have it in my hometown. Even though I moved away for a reason.

20. Or I could have it... IN A CASTLE! A WINE-FILLED CASTLE!

21. Wait, no, if I have a destination wedding, no one I like will come.

22. And if no one comes, WHY AM I EVEN PLANNING THIS?

23. THIS IS MEANINGLESS.

24. A MEANINGLESS CASH GRAB BY THE WEDDING INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX.

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25. Do I have to invite ALL my relatives?

26. Even that one cousin... The booger eater?

27. I wonder if he still does that.

28. I guess I'll find out at the wedding.

29. Ugh.

30. Can't I just invite my friends and, like. Many dogs?

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31. This guest list is too long.

32. Does EVERYONE need a plus one?

33. Even my booger-eating cousin?!

34. I hope no one comes and I can cancel at the last minute.

35. Maybe I can just tally everything up and let my mom plan this! Genius!

36. I'd hire a wedding planner to take the stress off my hands, but now I'm stressing over the cost of a wedding planner.

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37. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PLAN MY PLANS.

38. I know! I'll elope!

39. No, I can't.

40. That cracking sound is my grandmother's heart breaking at the thought.

41. OK, focus. We still have to discuss the most IMPORTANT part of the wedding.

42. The booze.

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43. It turns out that your wedding dinner can't consist of just a chocolate fountain and PBR.

44. OK, so according to this invitation list, I have to come up with a menu that is...

45. ...Vegan, kosher, gluten-free, soy-free, low carb, high protein, low-fat, paleo, and organic.

46. I guess that leaves... Beans. I'll serve beans.

47. And for dessert, lettuce.

48. What's a nice way of uninviting everyone?

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49. I know, I'll sign up for a wedding planning site!

50. OK, these sites are telling me I need to worry about even more things than I originally thought.

51. TOO MUCH TO PLAN. I AM OVERWHELMED AND UNDERWHELMED AND GENERALLY WHELMED.

52. According to my online research, a DJ will cost my life's savings.

53. And a live band will cost me one kidney.

54. I'll just set up an iPod shuffle and a megaphone.

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55. Do they make, like. Really elegant pajama jeans?

56. Bridal pajama jeans.

57. I feel like I've seen that idea on Shark Tank.

58. NO! FOCUS! A dress!

59. This wedding dress from Etsy is 5 dollars!

60. Which is a good price for something slightly covered in blood.

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61. Do I need to hire a photographer?

62. What if I only like the way I look in selfies?

63. Why does everything cost more than my life?

64. Do I really NEED bridesmaids?

65. There's no one I dislike enough to passive-aggressively force to buy an ugly dress.

66. What about tiny hedgehog bridesmaids?! Aw!

67. OK, I'm only $145,892,007.28 over budget.

68. Which leaves me with -$145,882,007.28 for the honeymoon.

69. I'm so stressed.

70. And so happy.

71. Because, really?

72. None of this matters.

73. As long as I get to be with the person I love.

74. (And have a chocolate fountain.)