Going Out As An Introvert, Described By "The Walking Dead"
Too awkward to live, too undead to die.
You know the feeling, right? You just want to stay home and watch movies, but your friends DRAG you out of the house.
You finally get to the party and see a HUGE crowd of people you don't know. This, you decide, is your sign to leave.
But then you immediately become separated from your friends, because of course.
You're not used to dancing in public, so when you try, it leads to embarassment and falling.
In fact, you become so self-conscious about people looking at you and judging that you're not sure what to do with your hands and feet.
You think, "Hmmm. Maybe I can hide in the bathroom until it's time to leave."
But of course there's a line for the bathroom. And lines mean one thing: SMALL TALK.
You figure the best bet is to wait by the snack table, because then at least you have an excuse not to talk: Your mouth is filled with Doritos.
But then! You see someone heading toward you and you begin to panic.
You begin to grow super nervous that some thirsty rando is going to try to make out.
You realize you've forgotten how to greet people and go to shake hands, like you're in some sort of business meeting.
Naturally, this leads to a lull in conversation, which involves a lot of "ums" and staring at red Solo cups.
You decide you're never going to talk to anyone again.
But then you notice something interesting...
Almost every other person here is also kind of awkward.
And it hits you: NONE OF US REALLY KNOWS WHAT WE'RE DOING.
NO ONE KNOWS ANYTHING!
IT'S SO LIBERATING!
And so you live happily ever after.
(Until next weekend, when the cycle starts anew.)
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