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    Apr 20, 2015

    Going Out As An Introvert, Described By "The Walking Dead"

    Too awkward to live, too undead to die.

    1. You know the feeling, right? You just want to stay home and watch movies, but your friends DRAG you out of the house.

    AMC

    Ugh, fiiiine.

    2. You finally get to the party and see a HUGE crowd of people you don't know. This, you decide, is your sign to leave.

    AMC

    Seriously, why are we here when we could be with pizza?

    3. But then you immediately become separated from your friends, because of course.

    AMC

    Wait for meeeeee!

    4. You're not used to dancing in public, so when you try, it leads to embarassment and falling.

    AMC

    Let me see you Tootise R... Never mind.

    5. In fact, you become so self-conscious about people looking at you and judging that you're not sure what to do with your hands and feet.

    AMC

    Wait, do people swing their arms when they walk or did I just make that up? God, it's like I've been locked away in a barn for weeks.

    6. You think, "Hmmm. Maybe I can hide in the bathroom until it's time to leave."

    AMC

    Worth a try.

    7. But of course there's a line for the bathroom. And lines mean one thing: SMALL TALK.

    AMC

    A fate worse than death.

    8. You figure the best bet is to wait by the snack table, because then at least you have an excuse not to talk: Your mouth is filled with Doritos.

    AMC

    Plus, it gives you something to do with your hands, so you're not just awkwardly flailing them around, praying for death's sweet embrace.

    9. But then! You see someone heading toward you and you begin to panic.

    AMC

    Oh god. What do people talk about? "Hello, how is weather?"

    10. You begin to grow super nervous that some thirsty rando is going to try to make out.

    AMC

    I could be at home cuddling my wine.

    11. You realize you've forgotten how to greet people and go to shake hands, like you're in some sort of business meeting.

    AMC

    NO ONE SHAKES HANDS AT PARTIES, I GUESS????

    12. Naturally, this leads to a lull in conversation, which involves a lot of "ums" and staring at red Solo cups.

    AMC

    Um.

    13. You decide you're never going to talk to anyone again.

    AMC

    You put in some effort and now you're done.

    But then you notice something interesting...

    14. Almost every other person here is also kind of awkward.

    AMC

    (Some just happen to be awkward and very drunk.)

    15. And it hits you: NONE OF US REALLY KNOWS WHAT WE'RE DOING.

    AMC

    16. NO ONE KNOWS ANYTHING!

    AMC

    YAAASS! WE'RE ALL CLUELESS!

    17. IT'S SO LIBERATING!

    AMC

    My awkward introversion was a prison of my own design the entire time! Woo!

    18. And so you live happily ever after.

    AMC

    19. (Until next weekend, when the cycle starts anew.)

    AMC

    I'm shutting the door and never leaving this couch again.

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