1. We actually do know where everything is.
2. ... So if you try to clean up our various piles of things, we will become hopelessly lost and confused.
3. Every messy person has that one chair that doubles as a coat rack / book shelf / table / closet.
Admit it. You also have The Chair somewhere in your home.
4. A messy person's closet is a portal into a world of chaos and madness.
PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT DOOR.
5. And the things that exist beneath a messy person's bed will drive you to tears. NEVER LOOK THERE.
6. WE DO TRY TO CLEAN. And sometimes our stuff is perfectly clean and neat! But then we have to get dressed.
7. We think you should admire our consistency, at the very least.
8. We fight a constant battle between wanting to take a selfie because we're feeling our look and not wanting the world to see how messy our rooms are.
Life is hard, guys.
9. Everything at The Container Store helps organize clutter until we slowly incorporate it into the mess.
The Container Store will trick us into thinking we can organize our lives 100% of the time.
10. No, we do not know where our phones are right now. Phones are the FIRST thing messes eat.
11. We were late because our keys were lost. We are late EVERY MORNING because our keys were lost.
12. We're pretty convinced that not being able to see your floor means less sweeping and vacuuming.
So, to anyone who lives with us, we say, "YOU ARE WELCOME."
13. Pinterest images like this one are confusing and frightening.
14. Besides, our cleaning to-do lists WILL become garbage incorporated into our existing garbage.
15. A car is like a dorm room on wheels.
16. But, hey, a secret perk of being messy is finding hidden treasure among your stuff.
17. "Creative people are messier," is a nice excuse to pull out, whether or not it's remotely true.
18. Sometimes people mention cleaning things we never even knew HAD to be cleaned, and we become scared.
19. Our laundry piles can and will migrate around the room as necessary.
20. No, we don't own an iron.
21. Folding clothing takes away from our precious "DOING LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE" time.
22. We don't even want to know how often you're supposed to wash towels and sheets.
23. We probably have enough food stuck inside the microwave for a whole other meal.
24. Anything can turn into a dish, so why wash the used ones?
Think outside the box, people. Mostly because we already used the box to eat Hamburger Helper.