Welcome back! We recently debated over whether or not a mom would be wrong for attending her daughter's wedding (even though the daughter is getting married to her sister's ex-fiancé) and now it's time for another sticky situation.
Today, we're considering a submission to Reddit's "Am I the Asshole" subreddit page, where people ask strangers to judge whether they acted correctly in a given situation or not. One pregnant user, u/Throwaway-twinmama, asked whether they were wrong for calling out their children's future stepmom for acting like she was a surrogate — and if that sentence sounds like a lot, that's because it is.
Here's the story, as told by u/Throwaway-twinmama: "I (29F) dated a guy Joe (30M) for 3 months before he left me to go back to his ex, Kim (30F). Right after we broke up I found out I was pregnant with twins and now I’m at 24 weeks. I let him know and he was ecstatic. Turns out his girlfriend had fertility issues and will likely never be able to get pregnant naturally, and he has always wanted to be a father. Getting back together was out of the question for both of us, so he’s still with his girlfriend."
Joe spoke to Kim about the news, and she asked to speak with u/Throwaway-twinmama personally. "I met them at their house and Kim stated that she wanted to be involved in my pregnancy because she would eventually be the children’s stepmother. She started telling me that I needed to do a home birth, that I needed to formula feed so that they could have the babies half of the week, that she wanted one boy and one girl, and that she wanted the kids to call her mama since they would be calling me mommy. I shut her down and said I would make the best choices for my children and my body and left."
"When it came time for my 20-week level two scan, they allowed me one guest and Joe suggested I take Kim instead of him, which I refused to do. Joe did end up coming and he found out the gender because I wanted to keep it a surprise for me so we could throw a gender reveal party. I put a pregnancy announcement on my social media and then she put up an announcement saying they were expecting twins 'the non-traditional way' and how blessed she was. I was irritated but I kept my mouth shut."
"Then she threw a gender reveal party and posted it on social media. I wasn’t even invited. She also announced that she’s having a baby shower. I commented on her posts and told her to stop treating me like a surrogate, that the kids weren’t hers, and that Joe didn’t have any claim or custody of the kids until they are born."
WHEW. The post has gone viral since being shared, and most comments agree that u/Throwaway-twinmama is not the asshole.
Many readers felt that her ex's girlfriend was overstepping boundaries and trying to co-opt her pregnancy:
"She is going too far about her wanting to be called mama, and she is overstepping her role. She has told people that she's having YOUR babies the unconventional way, so be very wary. She's not even his wife."
– u/EB1625
"She's treating you like a handmaid from the Handmaid Tale. Please be safe."
"She was trying to live through you."
Nearly every other comment states that the original poster should seek legal counsel when it comes to custody arrangements:
"Not the asshole. Holy shit. You absolutely need a lawyer right the hell now and to save every communication and social media post."
"Honestly, 100% get a lawyer, literally as soon as possible. Keep EVERY record you can, even if you think they're pointless. Record every phone call and conversation."
And some question her ex's intentions, insinuating that he might be OK with Kim's behavior, and therefore the original poster should be wary:
"Those kids do not need a father that thinks this behavior is acceptable."