Welcome back, y'all! Last time we chatted, we debated over whether this boyfriend making $500,000 a year was an a-hole for asking his unemployed girlfriend to split their rent 50/50. Now I need your opinion on a husband who is very "uncomfortable" with his wife using tampons.
For context, the wife, who shared this concern on Reddit under the username u/ThrowraRyan7697, said that she and her husband have been together for three years. Throughout that time, she used pads during her period. However, due to a recent medical issue which she chose to leave unnamed, she had to switch over to using tampons. I'll let her explain the rest:
"My husband Ryan hates [tampons]," she said. "He never truly gave a reason other than just saying he doesn't feel comfortable with me using them. I didn't think it was a big deal at first since – he says he hates a lot of stuff that I do but 'puts up' with it anyway, except for this. He asked that I go back to using pads but I made it clear that since it's my body, then I get to decide."
"He threw away some tampons he had access to and I was getting upset but, to keep the peace, I just bought a box and hid it away from him," she continued. "He somehow found it and threw it away."
"I didn't find that out 'til I had my period yesterday and realized I had no tampons to use. I was tired, and too stressed. I just yelled at him after he admitted to throwing away the whole box. He argued that I already knew how he felt about this stuff and yet I decided to still keep it around. I lost it and told him he had no right to do this and told him to get over himself already. He stared at me, almost about to tear up or something, then walked out."
"He later went on about how we, as a couple, should take each other's discomfort into consideration and said he already tried to speak to me about those tampons, yet I brushed him off and insulted him and verbally abused him."
"He also said that if I still insist on using them, then I should do it while I'm outside the house but I said that it won't happen. I feel bad for how it played out but I was just at my wits' end and in so much pain I lashed out.
Did I go too far here? Does he have a valid point or not?"
After the post received over 24,000 upvotes, commenters rightfully agreed that the wife is not the asshole in this situation at all. For starters, most people — like myself — were confused about why the husband even had an issue with her using tampons in the first place.
"Uh… what the fuck. Not the asshole at all. I can’t fathom what on Earth he could be thinking. Based on how he’s talking about them, does he think you’re smuggling cocaine in them or something?"
"Not the asshole. Wtf did I just read? I don’t understand why he cares if you use tampons."
Some assume her husband is wrongfully equating tampons with sex toys, or another method for pleasure, instead of being a necessary healthcare item. Or, that he has misunderstood the purpose of tampons and sees them as sexual competition.
"Hundred bucks says he's one of those people that thinks that A) using sex toys is like cheating because nothing other than his penis should be penetrating his partner and B) tampons somehow provide sexual stimulation and are thus like sex toys."
"It honestly sounds like more of a style of patriarchy where NOTHING is going to be inside his wife except for HIM. Nope, not even a tampon."
– Anonymous
Furthermore, some people pointed out that the wife said he often finds issues with "a lot" of stuff she does and "puts up with it anyway." This raised red flags about her autonomy within the marriage, especially when it comes to making decisions together, or over her own body, as well as his apparent need for control.
"What other things does he put up with? Are all the issues related to your self-autonomy?"
"You said he doesn’t like/is annoyed by a lot of things you do? Oh honey… That just sounds like the beginning of a very very dark path for you. Do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around him? That type of situation only intensifies with time, as he feels more entitled to control you the longer you put up with him."
One user put it best when they said, "You should not have to hide BASIC HYGIENE PRODUCTS in order to use them."
"Absolutely NTA. You’re married, yes, but this is YOUR body. He has absolutely no say in what menstrual products you use — that’s literally absurd. Has he given you a valid reason apart from it making him uncomfortable? Because frankly I wouldn’t care, he’s not the one experiencing a period and his reaction would make me uncomfortable. Tbh, it kinda sounds like he has a problem with the fact it’s penetrative which again, is weird."
Finally, u/Gwendigwen asked the wife to truly consider her relationship with her husband when it comes to the following:
"Do you really want to be with somebody whom you have to hide things from? Do you really want to be with somebody that expects to decide about what you do with your body? Do you really want to be with somebody who feels they have the right, if you dare disagree, to take matters in their hands and take, damage, or throw away your belongings? Do you really want to be with somebody that 'hates' many things you do and 'puts up' with you?
He has already brought you to a place where you don't really feel entitled to feelings of anger towards him. He's the only one allowed to have feelings and be angry in this relationship, and that wont get better.
Take care."