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This Mom Of 5 Is Going Viral For Saying She Brings All Of Her Kids To Birthday Parties One Child Was Invited To, And It's Starting A Debate

"Don't worry, we bring awesome gifts."

Alexa Lisitza
by Alexa Lisitza

BuzzFeed Staff

Whether it be about vaccinating your kids or letting babies cry it out, there always seems to be a new, incredibly divisive debate in the parenting world. And though I don't have kids of my own and therefore rarely come across these back-and-forths online, one massive conversation breaks through every now and then.

A man holding a baby in a dark room while a woman looks at him in distress
Andrey Zhuravlev / Getty Images/iStockphoto

This time, the debate started when Jeena Wilder, a 32-year-old mom of five, posted a video on TikTok about how her family navigates birthday parties that only one of her kids was invited to attend.

@heytherewilders

Are you team just the invited child goes or team the whole family?! My husband works a lot and most days it’s just me and the kids! I always RSVP or ask the parents first. #largefamily #family #parentsoftiktok #interracialcouple #birthdayparty

♬ Hillbilly type beet - Dadood

"When you invite one of my children to a birthday party..." she wrote at the top of her video while smiling over an invite card.

TikTok: @heytherewilders / Via tiktok.com

"You invite one child, you get all of us," Jeena continued before dancing in the opposite direction. A train of her kids, all ranging between 4 months old and 9 years old, follow behind her.

TikTok: @heytherewilders / Via tiktok.com

Jeena's husband makes up the rear of the train, carrying their newborn, and the clip concludes with the phrase: "Don't worry, we bring awesome gifts."

TikTok: @heytherewilders / Via tiktok.com

The video went viral almost instantaneously, reaching over 1 million cumulative views on TikTok and Twitter. And the driving force seems to be engagement, with the Twitter post getting ratioed by commenters who were desperate to weigh in with their thoughts.

While some loved the idea of their child's birthday party being a large gathering...

One person with the handle Dougherty Dozen said "The More The Merrier at our parties!"
TikTok: @heytherewilders / Via tiktok.com
Another said "you're now invited to all my birthday parties. nobody ever comes so it would be nice to have all of y'all"
TikTok: @heytherewilders / Via tiktok.com

...others were concerned that parents bringing their whole family to another child's birthday party may be financially inconsiderate:

imagine being a single parent on a budget and this happens, i'd be so embarrassed and upset
TikTok: @heytherewilders / Via tiktok.com
Your children are beautiful ma'am :) but please stop doing this. You don't know the financial circumstances and if you are they're going to be polite
TikTok: @heytherewilders / Via tiktok.com

Viewers also said that children should be allowed to spend time away from their siblings and develop relationships outside of their family:

Because god forbid a child get just one afternoon of alone time to bond with their friends without their siblings around
TikTok: @heytherewilders / Via tiktok.com
No. C'mon. Each child deserves their own individual experiences without their siblings
TikTok: @heytherewilders / Via tiktok.com

And some simply believe the concept of inviting yourself to a party is rude:

Nope. This is baddddd party etiquette. The child invited is the one that goes, if that child can't go alone then unfortunately you all stay home
TikTok: @heytherewilders / Via tiktok.com
One thing my mom always told me when growing up- never invite yourself anywhere. I'm embarrassed to think of a whole family inviting themselves
TikTok: @heytherewilders / Via tiktok.com

For more context on the situation, BuzzFeed spoke to Jeena about her birthday party etiquette, to which she explained: "My husband works Monday through Saturday, [and] in the summer he has even longer hours, so I barely see him. Most days, it’s just me and the kiddos. I’m not okay with dropping my kids off at a birthday party solo. So, my solution is: I always ask beforehand if I can bring siblings to the party and always pay for the ones that weren’t invited if the party is at an event place."

"I never pressure parents or feel entitled to take my family to children’s birthday parties," she continued. "But for me, I hate the idea of just dropping my kids off somewhere and picking them up hours later, but I also hate the idea of a child not having anyone show up to their birthday party. When my kids are older and I feel like they can understand what to do to keep themselves safe, I will feel comfortable with dropping them off at parties and picking them up later, but at this young age, it’s not happening."

When it comes to the debate online, Jeena also thinks the disconnect between viewers and herself could be cultural. Having grown up in a traditional Haitian household, she said she was accustomed to doing everything as a collective. "It’s how my parents and family members did it. You have a baby shower? The whole family goes. You have a graduation party? The whole family goes. You have a birthday party? The whole family goes," she said. "Haitian are very family-oriented, so we just do things as a family."

But as promised in her video, Jeena confirmed that the family always brings "awesome gifts" when they are welcomed.

Which side of the debate do you land on? Let us know in the comments.

And if you'd like to keep up with Jeena and her family, you can follow them on TikTok and Instagram.