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23 Things That All Bath People Know To Be Completely True

Showers are for peasants.

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1. You sit until your fingers and toes resemble half-chewed prunes.

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The skin may soon detach, but you're not worried.

2. You have accessories like a bath tray and pillow, and if you forget something before getting in you will risk soaking the bathroom floor to get it.

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It's not a worthy bath if you don't have all of the necessary accoutrements.

3. You know exactly how to manipulate the tap to create the perfect water temperature and when to get in.

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It's an art.

4. You do your best reading in the tub, and you're not above spending as long as it takes to race to the finish of a page-turner.

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150 pages left? No problem.

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5. Candles are a must, and you have different scents for different times.

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Eucalyptus mint, anyone?

6. You have tried to precariously balance your computer on every surface in the bathroom in order to catch up on the latest shows.

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Your Apple Care plan is still valid, right?

7. Sometimes you like to just lay under the water and think about life.

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Deep thoughts in shallow waters.

8. Bubbles vs. salts are a big deal and you know what your preferences are and when each is necessary.

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"The bath salts, they're starting to... effervesce."

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9. Nothing grinds your gears more than a tepid bath.

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As soon as the water starts cooling you go into panic mode.

10. You could probably put contortionist on your resumé due to the practice you've gotten trying to fully submerge all of your limbs into the water.

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Really comes in handy with the whole aforementioned tepid water thing.

11. When someone walks into the bathroom while you’re soaking in bubbles, you secretly relish how fabulous and luxurious your life seems in that brief moment.

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I'm here, I'm beautiful, get used to it.

12. You have a special bath playlist that really gets you in that relaxing mood.

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If it includes Bobby Darin's "Splish Splash," it's just for the LOLs.

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13. You've been known to take photos of yourself in the tub even though you're basically naked.

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Totally Insta-worthy.

14. You know that a full bottle of wine in the tub doesn't count the way a full bottle of wine anywhere else does.

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Treat yo' self.

15. You have spent many a time making bubble beards and bras no matter your gender.

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It's like a bubble contest and you are the winner by default.

16. You WILL hold strong to your bath plans even if a friend offers you another set of particularly fun plans.

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Don't break the vows you made.

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17. You know how lucky you are if your tub has a side faucet.

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#blessed. 🙌

18. You know that sharing the bath with someone really takes away from the bathing experience, especially if someone has to angle their head around the faucet.

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So many limbs and not enough water or space.

19. If too long of a period of time goes by and you haven’t taken a bath, you don’t even know who you are anymore.

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It's been 48 hours. Where are your values?! GET IN THE TUB.

20. You have very strong opinions about whether or not you should wash your hair or shave in the bath and you feel passionate about it either way.

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And you're not afraid to judge the "wrong" opinion and over-talk about it.

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21. Because eating time is all the time, you have had a snack (or meal, probs) while in the tub.

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It's called multitasking, and it's the right thing to do.

22. Trying to will yourself out of the tub is the saddest part of your day.

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Until next time, my dear, dear friend.

23. You know that taking a bath will solve any problem you could possibly be faced with.

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All I need in this life of sin is me and my bath tub, me and my bath tub. 🎶