Completely terrifying. Medieval Times wants to look like a castle but doesn't have the money to actually build a castle so everything about the place is fake and wrong. Like—you feel like a knight who some very naïve underfunded aliens are trying to trick into thinking he's in a castle. And I get, I get that we all know we're not in a castle, I'm not saying Medieval Times HAS to look like a genuine castle, all I'm saying is the fact that it doesn't is completely fucking terrifying.
YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY CROWDS OF PEOPLE ALL DRESSED LIKE IT'S TODAY WALKING AROUND THE FAKE CASTLE LIKE IT'S NO BIG DEAL. AND THERE ARE PEOPLE DRESSED LIKE I GUESS THE WAY MERCH PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO DRESS IN MEDIEVAL TIMES? I COULDN'T REALLY SAY WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE BUT THEY TREAT YOU LIKE IT'S THE MIDDLE AGES AND SELL YOU T-SHIRTS AND PLASTIC SWORDS.
HOW THE STAFF TREATS YOU WHEN YOU’RE SITTING ALONE IN THE GREAT HALL STARING AT THE FLOOR AND BREATHING VERY DELIBERATELY
The staff was great. Excellent job all around. They asked me if I was okay just enough but not too many times. I feel like when you work at Medieval Times you probably witness a panic attack or two a week. I bet that's really fun.
After sitting in a big chair in the great hall for an hour I went back into the arena reasonably certain I would live. I ate some Castle Bread. For some reason they call it Castle Bread. They don't have a special name for the potato wedge or the turkey leg but Castle Bread is important to them. It was pretty good bread.